In our “Eight Things To Know About The U.S. And The World Cup” offering, we neglected an essential Ninth Thing: Soccer players can be nuts.
The most recent example would be, duh, Luis Suarez. The Uruguayan striker appeared to bite Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini in Tuesday’s match. Chiellini stretched his shirt to display what seemed to be teeth marks, and it wouldn’t have been the first time Suarez had bitten an opponent. It wouldn’t even have been the second. This would be three times in four years.
The first came while playing for Ajax in the Netherlands in 2010, the second while working for Liverpool in England in 2013. He was suspended a total of 17 games. He also was suspended for the race-baiting of Manchester United’s Patrice Evra in 2011 — when Liverpool and Man U. next met, Suarez refused to shake Evra’s hand, sparking another furor — and was red-carded in the 2010 World Cup for using his hand to deny what would have been Ghana’s winning goal.
The dashing/gnashing Mr. Suarez stands as the most extreme example of soccer excess, but it’s a close call. Here we cite other recent cases — meaning the legendary Irish playboy George Best doesn’t qualify — in alphabetical order:
Mario Balotelli, Italy: While playing for Inter Milan, he threw his jersey to the ground in disgust after a Champions League victory in which he scored. While playing for Manchester City, he stamped the head of Tottenham Hotspur's Scott Parker. Other highlights: He threw a dart at a Man City youth player out of what Balotelli termed boredom; he set his house afire with fireworks and, in celebrating a goal against Man U., lifted his jersey to display a T-shirt bearing the lettering: "Why always me?" Had Italy not been eliminated in the Suarez-bite game, Balotelli would have been ineligible for its next match, having received two yellow cards in the group stage.
Eric Cantona, France: While playing for Nimes, he threw the ball at a referee. He responded to a one-month ban by calling each member of the disciplinary panel an "idiot." (The ban was upped to two months.) While playing for Manchester United, Cantona was red-carded at Crystal Palace. On his way to the locker room, he launched what tabloids described as "a kung-fu kick" at a Palace supporter. The case wound up in an English court, which sentenced him to two weeks in jail. (Later overturned.) Cantona then held a news conference that consisted of him saying, "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."
Paolo Di Canio, Italy: While playing for Lazio — Mussolini's favorite team — he brandished what appeared a Fascist salute. In his autobiography, Di Canio described Il Duce as "basically a very principled individual." While playing for Sheffield Wednesday, Di Canio kicked Arsenal defender Martin Keown and pushed referee Paul Alcock to the ground. (Di Canio said the ref "went down like a drunken clown.") While managing Swindon Town — yes, someone thought it a fine idea to make this pillar of stability a manager – he got into a fight with player Leon Clarke. Of Di Canio, commentator Ron Atkinson said: "I have managed a few nutters, but he takes the biscuit."
Paul Gascoigne, England: He drew a yellow card for a mistimed tackle late in the 1990 World Cup semifinal. The booking meant that Gazza, as the tabloids dubbed him, would miss the final if England won. Gazza began to weep — even though the match wasn't over. (Germany prevailed on penalties.) Teammate Gary Lineker looked toward manager Bobby Robson and pointed to his eye, as if it to say, "Gazza's lost the plot." A smiling Gascogine returned to England wearing a plastic torso featuring bare women's breasts and an ample stomach. The English lady seated beside me at a Broadway show the night before the 1996 World Series offered this: "Gazza's a pig."
Diego Maradona, Argentina: The greatest player post-Pele scored his greatest goal in the 1986 World Cup quarterfinals, dribbling the length of the pitch while eluding five England players. Earlier he punched the ball into the English net for a goal that shouldn't have stood. "The hand of God," Maradona called it. Eight years after that, Maradona became the only player ever sent home from a World Cup for failing a drug test. In 2000 he smashed a photographer's car — "the hand of reason," he deemed that act — and in 1994 he fired an air rifle at reporters. While managing Argentina in 2009, he invited media doubters to … well, let's leave it at that.
Zinedine Zidane, France: The greatest player post-Maradona was suspended for a 1998 World Cup game after stamping a Saudi Arabia player. France won that World Cup behind Zidane's two headed goals against Brazil. In 2006, he again lifted France to the final and converted a penalty to give his side the lead. The match went to extra time, whereupon Zidane head-butted Italian defender Marco Materazzi and was sent off. Zidane claimed Materazzi insulted his mother and sister. Minus its best penalty-taker, France lost on penalties. Zidane received the Golden Ball as the World Cup's best player. On Wednesday he was named the manager of Real Madrid's reserves.
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