It’s only two letters, but it’s a word some people have a lot of difficulty getting out. The word is no.
“I was 40 years old before I learned to say no,” Oprah Winfrey wrote in December 2021. “I was consumed by the disease to please. The word yes would be out of my mouth before I even knew it.”
Many people have difficulty saying no to others, according to Leo Babauta, founder of Zen Habits and an expert in building habits and achieving goals.
“The more you make ‘no’ a part of your toolbox, the more it drives you toward success since you only have to focus on fewer things and can do them well,” Babauta wrote for LifeHack.
He offers a few tips to make no part of your everyday vocabulary without alienating those seeking a yes from you.
Don’t apologize
Making yourself and your time a priority is nothing to apologize for. Although many people might think saying, “I’m sorry, but … " sounds more polite, Babauta said it actually sounds weak.
“You need to be firm and unapologetic about guarding your time,” he wrote.
Know the value of your time
Knowing what your commitments are will make it easier to realize how valuable your time is. When someone wants to take up part of that time, you’ll be able to tell them your plate is too full at that time.
“They’ll sympathize as they are likely to have a lot going on and will respect your openness, honesty, and attention to self-care,” Bbauta wrote.
Don’t be so nice
Yes, it’s important to be polite, but don’t make it easy for others to claim your time because you want to be nice. Be firm when turning down requests so people know you’re serious about what your priorities are.
“If you erect a wall or set boundaries, they will look for easier targets,” Babauta wrote.
Saying no to your boss
Sometimes you don’t have a choice when it comes to your boss. Many people think if they start saying no all the time, their boss will assume they can’t handle the work.
According to Babauta, however, the opposite is true. Tell your boss that taking on too can jeoparde your current projects. If they won’t budge, go over the new task and ask them to prioritize items, because there is only so much you can do at once.
Be sincere
People can tell when you’re insincere. Explain that the project or event sounds like a good one, but isn’t a right fit for you or what you’re looking for at that time.
“Remember that it isn’t about being mean when you learn to say no,” Babauta wrote. “It’s about taking care of your time, energy, and sanity. Once you learn how to say no in a good way, people will respect your willingness to practice self-care and prioritization.”
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