Being a good friend is sometimes challenging, but so worth it, because everyone’s needs get met some way and somehow.
The following qualities are the ones we all wish for in a true friendship. If you have found someone who brings them to your relationship, you both deserve a lifetime of mutual support and great times.
Fidelity: Friends are loyal to each other and have each other’s back. They don’t say unkind things about you, and they defend you if anyone else does. Fidelity is another word for commitment, and when you know you have that with another person, it’s empowering.
Respect: Respect is hard to find in people these days, but a true friend has no need to be anything but respectful. A friend gives you honest feedback in a concise and kind manner and never tries to make you feel bad. The respect and insight you get from a real friend can help you remember who you really are, if you just listen.
Interdependence: Your friend has a life of their own and isn’t dependent on you or your friendship. Your bond makes your life bigger, not smaller. There is no need for codependency, because you both respect each other. Bringing your own individual ideas and experiences only broadens your friendship and your outlook on life.
Empathy: Your true friends will not only feel your pain but help you heal from it. When someone who is empathic sees a friend in need, they can’t help but put themselves out there to assist in any way possible. An empathic friend feels your pain and helps to relieve it by just being there.
Nonjudgment: Most of us have a fear of being judged, especially if we have made a mistake of some kind. A true friend will not judge you but will be on your side, no matter what, and defend you so you don’t have to feel defensive. You don’t have to worry that they will make you feel worse than you already do.
Dependability: When a friend says they will do something for you or with you, you know you can count on it. When you have a friend who has your back and is there for you, it makes your life easier and a lot more fun. It’s hard to count on people these days, and having just one dependable friend can make a big difference. These relationships are a true gift.
Selflessness: Having someone who would give you the shirt off their back is the essence of true friendship. Friends help each other and share their good luck, so that the friendship and your lives can continue even in bad times. It comes down to whether someone will help out, if they can, or not. Some people just can’t be bothered to pick you up at the airport. Real friends give of themselves.
Friends are more than just people you know, work with or hang out with at a party. Friends are the people in your life whom you know you can count on.
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Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.”
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