As COVID-19 cases rise across Georgia, and as the United States braces for a second wave of infections, many of us are spending far more time at home with our families than we did before the pandemic.
While the lockdowns can provide much-needed opportunities for families to spend time together, the time spent in close quarters can strain familial relationships -- especially when cabin fever is compounded by the painful social, political, and economic change and disruption so many Americans have faced this year. It’s imperative for families to look at their relationships with one another from a different perspective: as a team.
Many people associate the word “team” with their coworkers, favorite sports, or community groups. But by definition, “team” merely means a group of individuals joined by a common purpose and a mutual commitment to one another. Thus, a family is a team -- the most important one you’ll ever be on -- and understanding your role in this context can shift your approach to family life, both in quarantine and long after this is over.
Credit: contributed
Credit: contributed
The most successful teams -- and the happiest families -- consistently put the interests of the group before the interests of the individual members. The focus is on serving others, and the common good, rather than simply serving oneself. And this is especially important in times of change when it is easy to think only of how the change affects “me.”
Chick-fil-A founder -- and proud Eatonton native -- S. Truett Cathy once remarked, “We live in a changing world, but we need to be reminded that the important things have not changed, and the important things will not change if we keep our priorities in proper order.”
Credit: contributed
Credit: contributed
Change is a constant in a family. It can cause us to feel a range of emotions, from fear and anxiety to sadness and frustration, and everything in between. One specific way to strengthen your family team is to choose to respond, rather than react, to both change and potential change.
How do you handle the announcement that kids will be doing school virtually? What is your response when the family budget needs to change due to reduced income? What do you do with the news that the election hasn’t gone the way you hoped or with small daily things like a text from your spouse that says they’ll be home late from work? Do you react or respond when things do not go as planned?
When you react, you’re expressing unprocessed, unbridled emotions. Reactions are the outward representations of inner thoughts and feelings. Reactions are reflexive, like your leg kicking forward when a doctor taps your knee with a mallet. Responses are more measured. You experience the same emotions, but instead of a knee-jerk reaction, you process your feelings and choose what to say or do next. Responses are thoughtful and considered. Responding puts the focus on making progress and creating solutions.
Three practices can help you prepare for and respond to change in your family. First and foremost? Good self-care. The way you attend to your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health impacts your ability to serve on any team, especially your family. Taking an intentional approach to your morning routine, exercise, sleep, nutrition, vacation, and routine lifestyle choices help you prepare for change and respond to it appropriately. This is doubly important as the daily stress of current events takes its toll on our emotional health.
Secondly, ask for time to process. Few of us are lucky enough to process our feelings quickly and thoroughly. Take time to step away from the situation and ask yourself why the change is making you fearful, nervous, unhappy, angry, or upset. That way, you’re handling the change effectively and setting a great example for your family, minimizing raised voices, frustrated comments, critical remarks, and fear-based disagreement you may regret later. In any healthy team, members must be comfortable giving each other time to process change and respond, rather than react to it.
Lastly, pursue clarification. If we immediately react to the first bit of information we receive, we end up expressing our thoughts before we have learned enough to form a considered response. Pursuing additional information helps fill the gaps often left open in the first pass. In a family, asking follow-up questions during a period of change helps everyone practice active listening and promotes peace in a household environment.
Right now, when the world feels upside down, how are you leading your family through transition and change? For a family to feel happy and fulfilled -- in and out of quarantine -- they need to understand that each person’s actions have a significant impact on the lives of the others. Show the members of your family that you are there for them by choosing to respond to change, rather than reacting to it. After all, your family is a team, and on a team we all win or none of us do.
Russ Sarratt and Rusty Chadwick serve, respectively, as senior director and director of WinShape Teams, a nonprofit organization that works to build strong teams that change the world around them. They are the authors of “Team Work,” a new book that provides a framework for team success and fulfillment based on the principles of personal excellence and sacrificial service.
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