Confidence inside Donald Trump’s campaign has grown so high that they have already drafted his acceptance speech at next year’s Republican convention in Cleveland. It was leaked by sources who requested anonymity:
“Thank you. I’ve done an amazing job, haven’t I? Thank you.
These pundits — very stupid people, these pundits — they said Donald Trump could not win this nomination. Unbelievable. People love me. I’m rich. I’m not saying that to brag. I don’t have to brag. Because I have a net worth of $8,737,540,000.
That’s the kind of thinking our country needs. I’m rich and everything I do is the best. I build a hotel — it’s the best hotel. I build a golf course — it’s the best golf course. I build things very very well.
This nomination — which I love — I got it for two reasons. Number one, I’m really smart. Number two, the other people were stupid. Unbelievably stupid. And I’ll add in the third, people love me.
So. Hillary Clinton. She called to congratulate me, very nice. Said she was thrilled to have me as her opponent. Very nice.
But foreign policy. Hillary is terrible. Just terrible. We need a president who wrote “The Art of the Deal.” Very good book. When I’m president, I will say this to Iran: ‘Give us your oil, or we bomb you.’ Very simple. They have oil. We have bombers. Very simple. Nobody else can do this.
I would call up the president of Mexico, who I know. And he would try to call me back, but I would make him wait. Maybe two days, three days, just to show how unimportant he is. Then maybe I would agree to take his call. I would say, “Stop the rapists.” Very simple. Why hasn’t anyone thought of this?
So. These failed governors and senators — how many of them? — they tried to beat me, but they’re horrible. Horrible. Not leaders. They’re not good. They think they are. But they’re not good. Somebody said I am the most popular person in America because I am speaking the truth. These other people, they don’t speak the truth.
Now these same people call me up, want to meet with me. Ted Cruz — who I love — called me this morning. Marco Rubio — he came to my suite — a very nice suite, by the way. “Please please please,” they beg. “Let me be your vice president.” Who needs a vice president? Joe Biden? What does he do? Can someone tell me? No. Vice president is for losers. Who needs a loser around?
So I have this idea. I think it’s very good. The vice president is the apprentice president. So. We start this TV show, and people compete to be “Apprentice President”. Very good show. Very entertaining.
So, to sum up, I will do various things very quickly. Iran, take their oil. Venezuela? Take their women. Have you seen their women? I own the Miss Universe contest — very good investment by the way, very good — and the contestants from Venezuela … very interesting. I would date their women. Their women — they call me, they beg a little, please please please. But I don’t date them. But I would. Very beautiful. Everybody loves me. That I can tell you.
So. Thank you for this nomination. Watch my new show. And why are we in Cleveland? There is no Trump Hotel in Cleveland. Very foolish. When I am president I will bring Cleveland back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.
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