I witnessed a lovely night this week. A huge moon rose on the horizon and moved up into the night sky filling with stars. Later in the evening I took out the dog and was stunned by the solemn stillness of the dark. I breathed in the cold air and said a prayer, then went back to the warmth of home.
That prayer was one of many. We had received tragic news that a dear freshman at our high school had died, possibly by his own hand. Soon hearts were breaking, tears were flowing, and everyone was searching for answers beyond reach.
There are no easy answers as to why a teen would feel such despair. As parents, our best efforts to help our kids avoid danger backfire. We listen to speeches, read advice books, consult our clergy, but no guarantee exists. This is the main burden of parenthood. There is just no perfect way to fully protect our children.
In our North Fulton high schools, efforts to bolster students’ coping skills are ongoing, with some kids signing on to SADD – Students Against Destructive Decisions (www.sadd.org). This movement looks to the teens themselves to make sound decisions, and includes a “Contract For Life”, a mutual promise between a student and a caring adult to promote trust and healthy behavior.
Such efforts are vital but insufficient. Young adults have warned me that growing up in the affluent suburbs of North Fulton creates a culture too preoccupied with status. This pressure affects kids who don’t have much, as well as kids who have too much. Social media further feeds adolescent insecurity. Teens manipulate their identities and relationships for popularity. Kids not in the picture feel alienated.
Something we can do is to pay close attention. Engage the minds of your kids, for it is in a child’s deepest thoughts that hopes and anxieties reside. Monitor social media use, but engender trust. Don’t demand perfection, and use humor to defuse tension. Help them see the future so they know this phase will pass. Respect them.
Meanwhile, school officials can start asking themselves if student “improvement” should include a well-financed and effective school mental health initiative. School social workers need to be given freedom to develop more extensive programming based on breakthroughs in neuro-development. Fulton County is pressuring our kids to succeed, but it needs to give them more emotional support to do so.
Teens will continue to make mistakes and challenge us as they rise to adulthood, but parents, schools and community teaming together may result in fewer teen mistakes. After that, we can only take a deep breath, pray, and let them go.
Veronica Buckman has been a resident of Milton for 10 years. You can reach her at vrbuck01@aol.com.
