This happened to me on an airline flight about three months ago. Some woman got on the airplane with an ugly, slobbering bulldog — on a leash. Not in a carrier; on a leash. As the bulldog sat there on the floor staring at me I asked the lady on the other end of the leash if it was a service dog. “Yes!” she barked. End of conversation.
But not the end of my inquisitiveness. At first I thought this might be an Americans with Disabilities Act thing. Not so. This situation has been brought to us by the Air Carrier Access Act (ACAA). Basically, the ACAA says that you can take your service dog with you in any car, train, plane or bus. Period. End of story. There are provisions whereby you can be denied permission to bring your service dog along, but the airline must make the case that the service dog will present a danger to passengers or the conveyance.
My next stop was to look into bulldogs — both as service dogs and airline passengers. Well, what do you know! It seems that bulldogs and other snub-nosed breeds have a particular problem being in doggie carriers in airline cargo holds. A report by Rhonda Cook in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that these dogs account for almost half the deaths of dogs being carried in cargo holds.
Next item to be investigated. Can bulldogs be good service dogs? Wiki-answers.com tells us that 73.6 percent of all bulldogs are dysplastic. This has something to do with abnormal growth of this, that and the other thing. Not good. Another vet reports that while bulldogs are known for their loyalty, they’re not all that healthy. In other words, they may make nice, loyal friends, but as service dogs they pretty much stink.
You see where we’re going now, don’t you? In all probability, that bulldog staring holes through me virtually the entire flight wasn’t a service dog at all. It was that lady’s pet, and she knew two things: First, she knew that her precious puppy was much more likely to go paws up in cargo than most other breeds. Secondly, she knew — probably through the bulldog owner community — about the ACAA. She learned that really all she has to do is tell the airline that Bruno is a service dog, and there is virtually nothing they can do about it.
There are even websites that address service dogs and the ACAA! One website flatly warns you NOT to tell the airline that you are bringing a service dog with you. The airline may tell you that there are no available seats. Make your reservation, get your confirmation and then call back a day or so later to tell them, “Oh, by the way, I’m bringing Bruno. He’s my service dog.”
Why do the airlines let these people get away with this scam? You know the answer: attorneys. They’re afraid of lawsuits. Sadly it was just easier for the airline to let my aisle-mate get away with this service-dog scam for a 90-minute flight than it was to spend two years and hundreds of thousands of dollars fighting a discrimination lawsuit. In fact, the same website that cautioned dog owners not to disclose their service dog when making the reservation also complained that the ACAA doesn’t allow “victims” to get attorney’s fees when they file their lawsuits if they’re not allowed to bring Bruno on board.
Sure, this isn’t right up on the list of things you’re worried about right now. That will probably be the case right up to the point you find yourself scraping some service dog droppings off the bottom of your shoes on your way to that business meeting. “It’s not me! I swear! There was this huge bulldog sitting next to me on the flight this morning! Honest!”
You think you have it rough. There’s some clown in Orlando that — believe it or not — regularly visits a major theme park — atop his service HORSE. And no, he doesn’t provide the cleanup service. This guy just has to be an elected official. Hi-yo, Earmark!
Listen to Neal Boortz live from 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. weekdays on AM 750 and now 95.5FM News/Talk WSB.
His column appears every Saturday. For more Boortz, go to boortz.com
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