The letters former New England Patriots player Aaron Hernandez's wrote before he committed suicide last year were published Saturday by The New York Post.
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Hernandez, who was serving a life sentence at the Souza-Baranowski Correctional Center in Lancaster, Massachusetts, penned letters to his lawyer, Jose Baez, 48, his fiancée Shayanna Jenkins, 29, and his now 5-year-old daughter Avielle Jenkins-Hernandez before taking his own life on April 19, 2017.
The 27-year-old former NFL star, who played three seasons with the Patriots before being arrested in 2016 for the murder of Odin Lloyd, left three notes written on ruled paper which revealed his final moments before he hanged himself inside his cell.
Jose Baez, Hernandez's lawyer and friend, documents the last year of his client's life in his upcoming book "Unnecessary Roughness: Inside the Trial and Final Days of Aaron Hernandez", set to be released on Tuesday.
Baez told the New York Post there was no indication in the letters that Hernandez had been contemplating suicide, saying, "Nothing in [it] suggests Aaron was thinking of killing himself. He talks about contacting artists in the future and that if I can’t help him, he’ll figure something out. It’s a sweet letter I’ll always cherish. That was the real Aaron.”
Hernandez mentions contacting artists such as Meek Mill and Jay-Z, who he says helped him through "tough times" in prison, saying he wanted to send his respects "to a few of the real ones out there."
To Baez, Hernandez wrote:
What's up, brotha?
Well, I wrote this letter following my acquittal and wanted to voice how I felt and let some people whos(e) music helped me get through hard times, know that it did. Wrong or right -- who knows -- I just follow my natural instincts and how it guides me. Pros or cons, didn't weigh them, but I'm sure you'll let me know your view.
Besides that, I want you to know you have me forever like you never understood and time will reveal that I'm not perfect but my love and loyalty is like you've never seen!
I appreciate all your work, time, effort, and never let that slip your mind! In time, you will see how appreciated you are, as well as all the others equally! But never forget I will whoop your a** if you get too crazy ... haha! time. But we could grab a drink after. All jokes aside, I hope your son is well and all your loved ones!
I need a favor -- If you have any contacts for any artists like Gates, Meek Mill, Ross, Jay, Game ... etc. I would like to send you letters so you can send to their information or whichever way you think best. I don't want any media really getting into me, trying to just send my love to all the artists who got me through my tough times and sending my respect to a few of the real ones out there. So I think that's the best idea through you. It's something I have to do and I'd appreciate if you could do that for me, if possible! If not, I'll figure something out.
Well, get at me, love ya brother!
In the note addressed to his daughter, Avielle, Hernandez says he wanted her to "never fear" him but to love him eternally.
Daddy will never leave you! I'm entering to the timeless realm in which I can enter into any form at any time because everything that could happen or not happened I see all at once! Life is eternal -- believe!!!" Hernandez wrote in the letter, according to the Post. "Love, repent, and see me/yourself in everyone because that's what the truth is! I'll see you all in the heavens awaiting you all with the same love. Never fear me, but love me with all of you! Fear is the only separation between you and I! We are each other -- I/you -- you/me -- there's no need to fear but what you do unto another will come back around!"
Power of Now
Conversations with God 1, 2, 3
Home with God
Anuk Ausar "Metu Neter"
Baez speculates the last lines of the letter to Avielle are books he read while he was incarcerated, saying, "These are books that I am guessing meant something to him during his time in prison. It’s not uncommon for people who go through hard times to reach back into their faith. And he had people who supported him in his faith and (sent) books to him. He ordered books from the library.”
In his letter to Shayanna, Hernandez is just as ominous as he is in his letter to their daughter.
“I don’t believe he was in sound mind in doing this,” Baez said of Hernandez’s notes to his daughter and fiancée. “I have mixed emotions when I read these notes. In one context I’m reading them as his lawyer while investigating his death, but in another, he’s a young man I knew, liked and cared about. He had a serious brain disease. We need more awareness of it, or we’re going to see more suicides.”
Hernandez addresses the letter to Shayanna by calling her "Shay," a nickname Baez says others would refer to her as but never Hernandez, saying he usually called her "baby" or "babe."
In the letter, Hernandez asks Shayanna to look after Jano and Eddie, his cousin's young children whose mother passed away and mentions the couple's song, "I Knew I Loved You," by Savage Garden, something Baez says was very meaningful to his client.
The letter reads:
You have always been my soul-mate and I want you to love life and know I'm always with you. I told you what was coming indirectly! I love you so much and know [you] are an angel. We split into two to come change the world! Your characteristic is that of a true angel and the definition of God's love! Tell my story fully but never think anything besides how much I love you. This was the supreme almighty's plan, not mine! I love you! Let Avi know how much I love her! Look after Jano and Eddie for me -- they are my boys (You're Rich).
I KNEW I LOVED YOU = SAVAGE GARDEN
NOT MUCH TIME
I'M BEING CALLED!
JOHN 3:16 ("For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.")
I love you all equally! We are all each other! Don't shed one tear for I am with all of you and never wasn't! do not go back to living while worshipping false idols in which I warned you about!
The Real Live Forever."