I was recently made aware of a Georgia politician that wants to change a traffic law.
State Rep. Ann Purcell, R-Rincon thinks that motorcycles should be able to run red lights after stopping for 60 seconds. She thinks that there are some traffic lights that don’t change for motorcycles because they aren’t big enough to trigger the mechanism. Ummm, ok. I will leave that alone. But, if we are in the mood to start changing traffic laws, here are my ideas with suggested penalties for the different offenses. Some would be new laws. Others just new punishments on existing laws.
Failure to have 50 cents in the exact change lane at the GA 400 Toll Plaza. I want to suggest capital punishment for these idiots but, I offer this instead. Penalty: Loss of driver’s license for a year and instead of receiving pay checks at your place of employment, you are paid in bags of quarters for two years. Be prepared fools!
Not having your headlights on when it’s raining. Oh, you forgot to turn your headlights on when it’s raining. No problem, here’s your penalty: You must stand for 12 hours in the middle of the fountains in Centennial Olympic Park wearing only a Speedo.
Traveling below the speed limit in the fast lane on the interstate. You must really love that left lane there buddy since you refuse to move out of it. Well, get ready to spend some serious time there. Penalty: For three months you are responsible for clearing trash out of the left emergency lane for a three mile stretch on whatever highway you are ticketed on.
Driving an SUV and complaining about gas prices. We all know this guy. He drives a Hummer and live 50 miles from the office. Well, Mr. Hummer here’s your penalty: Welcome to youth soccer. You need to complete 75 hours of community service providing free car service for busy soccer moms.
Driving a “Smart Car” on I-285. No penalty, but a requirement. If you want to drive that “car” on I-285, you must first purchase at least a $1 million life insurance policy. Your heirs will thank you.
Taking more than 60 seconds to place your order at a fast food drive-thru. Penalty: Kiss the drive-thru lane goodbye. You are now on a 12 month probation from using the drive-thru. You want that McRib? Go inside and place your order, pal.
Not using your turn signal. First offense: a hard punch on your left arm. Second offense: your left arm is tied behind your back for a month. Don’t you wish you could use that turn signal now?
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