Didn’t put a ring on it? Maybe it’s time for a new strategy

Valentine’s Day has passed and Cupid didn’t put a ring on it?

Maybe, says Atlanta relationship expert Dr. Janet Page, it’s time to revise your strategy.

Page, the author of “Getting Married This Year: 365 Days to ‘I Do,” is challenging singles in metro Atlanta to walk down the aisle before 2014.

“You don’t bet on a horse that’s not in the race,” she said. “If you would never marry the person, don’t even go past coffee with them. If what you’re doing now isn’t working for you, you’ve got to do something different.”

Her book, which was published last year but is gaining renewed interest, advises those looking for love to get to know — and love — themselves first. Next, she said, people need to figure out what they want in a partner. In her book she suggests compiling a spouse shopping list that may include items such as chemistry, values, spirituality, financial status and activity level.

But don’t limit yourself. Page said she was limited by geography. “I only shopped in my own backyard,” she said. Even online, she kept her geographical boundaries tight. When she expanded her search, she eventually found Mr. Right and the two were married within a year.

On Valentine’s Day, you didn’t get a ring and you didn’t get a commitment. So, what went wrong?

Not necessarily a thing. Whether or not it’s you or they who made the decision not to be together, they may be right either because they’re not the right person or because it’s just not time yet. It’s only time when both people feel compelled to be together. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. It’s not Groundhog’s Day for love. It’s not prophetic. I believe in having vision. Go out and buy on-sale valentines for the one you’ll be in love with next year.

Your book talks about knowing yourself and loving yourself. How important is that in attracting the right person?

It’s essential. If you don’t, you’re really not going to have a draw. Even if people don’t define it that way, they’re extremely attracted to confidence. Loving yourself puts you centered in a way that you’re genuine. You are who you are and that’s extremely attractive. People are always fearful that they will get the bait-and-switch routine. Marry somebody who’s a dazzlingly great date and then they turn.

Is the strategy the same whether or not this is your first marriage?

I would say so. The only difference is going through the clearinghouse so that you hit your refresh button and you’re truly ready to start again.

What’s the No. 1 reason most marriages and relationships fail?

Communication on both ends. Sometimes they (couples) never really understood each other from the start and didn’t reveal themselves to each other. I think marriage licenses should require people to have ongoing education. I don’t care if it’s ballroom dancing, a workshop on better sex techniques or a book club for couples … people forget love is an action verb.