Best quotes from 'Chrisley Knows Best' ('College Boot Camp'): season 3, episode 8

By RODNEY HO/, originally filed Wednesday,  July 1, 2015

If Savannah and Chase go to college next season, how will the Chrisleys come up with story ideas for "Chrisley Knows Best"?

For now, the transition is making good fodder. This time around, when Chase can't change a flat, Todd goes into overdrive to teach the two teens how to switch tires, do laundry and learn self defense. Lindsie, their oldest daughter, makes a cameo to give Chase and Savannah "inside info" about how to deal with Todd once they are in college. And in a secondary story line, Todd and Julie try to wean their eight-year-old son Grayson out of their bed at night by building him his own bed. (Shouldn't they have done that years ago?)

Anyway, here are the best quotes from the episode dubbed "College Boot Camp."

Todd's butt obsession

"Pull your hand out of your a** and change your tire. You're a grown man, a grown man." - Todd to Chase.

"Before you leave for college, you have to learn to wipe your own a**." - Todd

"We're not going to fail getting a nine year old's a** into his own bed." - Todd

Oh, and one more bleeped out curse word

"There's only so many pieces to changing a tire. This sh** you could put together the Brooklyn Bridge with." - Todd, complaining about a bunk bed he was trying to put together

Spoilage 101

"I don't know how we raised children who are not equipped to deal with real-life situations." - Todd

"We've always done it for them." - Julie.

"Nobody is going to die if I don't wash my shirts." - Savannah

Chase's justification for not knowing anything

"I like to supervise." - Chase

"Why don't you pay somebody to do this?" - Chase

"It would cost less to hire a maid." - Chase

"I'm not signing up for a third round of stupid." - Todd, thinking about Grayson

Todd's self-description of himself

"That's how a metrosexual does it." - Todd, after changing a tire with style

 Sex ed, Todd style

"You're only 17. That is your lily." - Todd, after Savannah references her vagina

Prison imagery

"Someone is going to shank y'all for one of these machines." - Todd to Chase and Savannah at the laundromat

Spoilage part II

"You'd have drop your bag down Eloise to be able to do this." Todd, to Savannah regarding the laundry

Credit: Rodney Ho

Credit: Rodney Ho

1970s reference of the week

"This is like a damn episode of 'The Waltons!' " - Todd, after hearing Grayson yell everyone's names once he was in his own room

Sitcom lesson of the week

"Who the hell ever thought Chase would be the one who would come up with the solution [regarding Grayson being in his own bed?] We may not be perfect parents but in the end, our children have learned some of the most valuable lessons of all: compassion and caring for others."