Most of us can remember when we felt picked on at school or maybe, even worse, at home. We can remember how we felt: the shame, isolation, sadness and anger that resulted from a bully’s attacks. We may even think this experience is something everyone deals with and is a normal part of childhood, but it doesn’t have to be.
October was Anti-Bullying Awareness Month, and while the month is over, we must remember the fight against bullying continues for the more-than 3.2 million students bullied each year, and that we all have a role in winning this critical fight.
Bullying is a not a naturally occurring phenomenon; it is a learned behavior. According to Mental Health America, bullying is something children learn – sometimes when they are as young as 2 years old – from adults and other kids. Studies show physical bullying is high in elementary school, peaks in middle school and declines in high school, while verbal abuse remains constant.
However, the territory of a bully doesn’t end at the schoolyard. It now extends to the web. Mental Health America found 95 percent of children involved in cyberbullying were also involved in “traditional” bullying.
To combat bullying, we must all accept it is a real problem and not dismiss our ability to help solve it. Nationally, 1 in 4 students report being bullied, but only 1 in 4 teachers see anything wrong with bullying, so they intervene only 4 percent of the time. Repeat bullying causes 1 in 10 students to drop out of school nationally. In Georgia, almost 20 percent of students report being victims of bullying.
Intuitively, we know what happens to us as children matters. Advancements in brain science are proving there is a strong relationship between traumatic things that happen in childhood (like bullying) and our health and well-being as adults. When a child experiences stress, the brain chemistry changes in ways that can affect physical and mental health, and that impacts a child’s ability to learn. Experiences don’t have to cause physical scars to leave scars on a child’s heart and mind that undermine confidence and school performance.
The theme for this year’s Anti-Bullying Awareness Month was “Let’s Stop Bullying Together.” There are many things we can do now and throughout the year. First, we can understand that children who bully and children who are victims of bullying share something fundamental in common: feeling powerless. Bullies “fight” against feeling powerless by lashing out wherever they can. Victims go into survival mode — “flight” or “freeze” — withdrawing or running away. So what is the answer?
As adults, there is one critically important thing we can do. We can speak up every time, firmly, and label bullying behavior as unacceptable. When just one person speaks up, it takes away a bully’s power. Speaking up is not to “attack” the bully, but to interrupt and label bullying behavior. Research shows that naming and labeling the behavior as unacceptable makes the greatest impact on the person being bullied.
Adults can also educate children. We must talk about what bullying is, how to stand up to it safely, and how to get help safely. We can help children practice using phrases and actions as tools — saying stop, using humor, saying we don’t believe in name calling, walking away and reporting bullying.
Most of all, adults must be role models for treating other people with kindness and respect. Children look to adults to learn what is acceptable. Adults can urge children to help other children who are being bullied by showing kindness and getting help.
Simply saying that bullying is wrong, whenever we see it, is more powerful than many of us can imagine. Just think of the impact that would be made if we all embraced this simple truth year round.
Kathy Colbenson is CEO of CHRIS Kids.
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