Neal Boortz: Helpful tips for confused voters

Today I’m offering help to readers instead of admonishments for such foolish behavior as dispatching your children to government agents to be educated. So, how to be helpful? How about some guidelines for confused voters deciding how to vote in 2012? Great idea! Let’s begin:

If you believe that after 230 years America just isn’t working and still needs to be “fundamentally transformed,” then vote for President Barack Obama.

If you think that being a community organizer who can A) hire a speech writer and B) read a speech from a teleprompter qualifies you to be president, then you’re an Obama voter.

If you think established law should be turned on its head to give unions priority over secured creditors in bankruptcy proceedings, you’re a member of the Obamajahadeen.

If you think America’s greatness comes from government rather than freedom and economic liberty, then you’re an ObamaBot.

If you can sit in the pew of a church for 20 years and never hear the pastor preach his hatred of America, then you’re voting for Obama.

If you think it would be a good idea to have your political coming-out party in the living room of a couple of convicted communist domestic terrorists, then go for Obama.

If you believe you have the right to put a gun to another person’s head in order to force them to be charitable, then send your Obama absentee ballot first thing on Monday.

If you think a tax cheat would make an excellent choice for treasury secretary, the man who will be in charge of the IRS, you’re a dedicated Obama voter.

Perhaps you think that the best way to create jobs is for the government, rather than the private sector, to crank up its hiring. Yup! Obama voter!

If you think that a labor union should be able to tell a private business where it can and where it cannot open a new production facility, you’re probably writing a campaign check to Obama right now.

If you believe that a person who earns over $250,000 in any given year is a millionaire, or might even be a billionaire, then this Obama bumper sticker is for you!

If you think that a man who has stated that he wants to see European gas prices in this country would be an ideal candidate for energy secretary — then Obama is your man.

If you think it was a good idea to shut down new oil production in the Gulf of Mexico, and then to fly to Brazil to congratulate them for their production efforts and tell them that America wants to be one of their biggest oil customers, then you’re running on Obamagas.

If you get your news from “Entertainment Tonight,” you should learn how to spell Obama’s name so you won’t make a mistake next year.

If you think that taxes should be raised on the rich not necessarily to raise revenue, but because it just isn’t fair that those people have all that money, then check the papers for an Obama rally near you.

Perhaps you believe that the private sector is “the enemy.” Then Obama’s your stud.

Do you believe that Israel is the source of all unrest and dissension in the Middle East? Oy vey! You’re an Obama voter.

If you think that jokes about alligators and moats passes for seriously addressing the problem of illegal immigration, you’re an Obama voter for sure!

There. Savor this. Next week I’m not going to be quite so anxious to be helpful.

Listen to Neal Boortz live from 8:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. weekdays on AM 750 and 95.5FM News/Talk WSB.

His column appears every Saturday. For more Boortz, go to