On Father’s Day 2008, then-U.S. Sen. Barack Obama delivered a speech before a church congregation in which he criticized black fathers for being uninvolved, or completely missing, from their children’s lives. “Too many fathers are M.I.A., too many fathers are AWOL, missing from too many lives and too many homes,” he said at the time. “And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.”
We routinely castigate black men, often viewed monolithically, for breach of responsibility as it relates to child rearing. The overwhelming message in society, whether based on facts or casual observations, seems unwavering: Black fathers, far too often, don’t care about their offspring.
Such a narrative provides fodder for demonization and denigration. Left unchecked, it paints a distorted stereotype, a grossly incomplete picture, as has been noted in numerous studies, the most recent by the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics. By most measures, black fathers are at least as involved with their kids as other men in similar living situations. The results are worthy of applause and attention, given the recurring image of black men, notably dads, as deadbeats.
The center’s findings: 70 percent of black fathers who live with young children said they bathed, diapered or dressed those tykes every day. By comparison, 60 percent of white fathers and 45 percent of Latino fathers did likewise. Almost 35 percent of black fathers who lived with their offspring read to them, compared with 30 percent of white dads and 22 percent of Latino dads. And, perhaps most tellingly, black fathers who weren’t married to the mothers of their children were at least as involved as other dads living outside the home.
Here, though, the accolades must stop. Too often, living situations are far less than ideal. While society can applaud a survey that defies deeply-rooted stereotypes, introspection is demanded, too. Sure, black unwed mothers can provide a nurturing environment, but wouldn’t it be more complete if black fathers married mothers of their children?
And when it comes to fatherhood, that’s where black fathers tend to cease looking like everybody else. I’ve read that men in black urban communities are the least likely to marry of any population in the nation. That shouldn’t be a community standard or cultural phenom for any ethnicity. One of today’s guest writers explains what it has led to for America.
An intact family lays groundwork for ample benefits, intangibles perhaps hard to quantify in a survey. They transcend race. Nuclear families and two-parent households serve a purpose. Parenting, be it good or bad, practiced by black, white or brown couples, helps lay a society’s foundation. Collectively, as individual parents and as a community, we should do better.
First, though, let’s take pause. Black fatherhood, generally, is neither myth nor oxymoron. It’s hard work. I know. I have kids .
On Sunday, our Editorial page will address a related topic: President Barack Obama’s new “My Brother’s Keeper” campaign for young black men. We’ll offer diverse views and hope you join the conversation.
