Friends and family of Kisha Holmes, the Marine who killed herself and her three children last month, gathered for a tearful memorial service Friday, and remembered her as a loving mother and a gentle person whose final act still remains a painful mystery to those closest to her.
About three dozen people attended, many of them female veterans or their advocates, who spoke about the strength and glowing presence that she brought to those who knew her. Some placed flowers at the base of the photos of Holmes and her three children — Justin, 10; Kai, 4; and Faith, 10 months — that sat atop a table in the small southwest Atlanta church.
The speakers were at a loss to explain why Holmes — a former homeless veteran — would have harmed herself or her children. Her actions have shaken those in the female veteran community.
“Women across the country are feeling so sad for Kisha and her family and the loss of these beautiful children,” said Amy Stevens, a military veteran advocate and founder of GA Military Women, after the service. “Many women are saying this could have been me.”
Several of Holmes’ friends met her at a program for homeless veterans in late 2013. They said she was the last person they would have suspected to have carried out such an act.
“When you live with somebody, you truly get to know that person,” said Sonia Simon, who roomed with Holmes and her kids while staying in homeless transitional housing in 2013. “They can’t hide; they can’t fake; they can’t front. You learn all their dirty laundry. I never, ever saw Kisha hit her kids, yell at her kids, nothing of that nature. Kisha was never out of character. I don’t even know if I ever saw her mad. If she was mad, she would just get quiet and go to her room. She always displayed love.”
Holmes’ and her children moved to an apartment in Austell about a year ago with help from a federal voucher program for homeless veterans. Her friends said they think she became more isolated after that because many of the other women transitioned to housing in Fulton and DeKalb counties.
She still stayed in touch through text messages, phone calls and occasional visits. Her best friend in the homeless program, Erica Hunt said she regularly visited Holmes at her Cobb apartment. Their children had play dates together and they shared a special bond.
Hunt said she last saw Holmes in November and she seemed happy. Hunt recalled Justin’s smile and Kai’s sweet personality. She remembered how he crawled all over the room and prayed that all of “their spirits live on in each of us.”
But they had not spoken in the past couple months, in part, because Hunt knew Holmes liked a little privacy during the holidays.
“Kisha, a true definition of beauty, both inside and out,” said Hunt, who fought back tears during the service. “She was an extraordinary friend and a phenomenal mother. Her spirit was so bright and inviting….I used to always joke and tell Kisha she was the prettiest Marine I’d ever seen.”
Holmes’ aunt, Stella Holmes-Hughes, described how the family had lost touch with Holmes in recent years. She said Holmes was full of “sunshine” and “very frightened but very brave.” She described how her deep religious faith guided her in many decisions.
“She walked with the lord,” Holmes-Hughes said. “That was her best friend. Every thing that she did, every plan that she made, was, ‘Let me tell you about this old lord. This is what I’m getting ready to do….You going to guide me through it.’”
The family and the broader veteran community are still awaiting answers about how the Atlanta VA Medical Center treated Holmes and if the agency failed her in some way. The VA identified Holmes as a high suicide risk and Holmes missed two mental health appointments in December. It’s unclear if the VA followed up after these red flags because the agency has refused to discuss details of the case, with either the family or the media.
Heidi Day, a private counselor who worked with Holmes and some of the other women who formed a sisterhood at the Mary Hall Freedom House homeless program, said “Kisha lived love. She walked in love. She parented in love.” She said her death should act as a wake up for all to look hard at others to see if they are in need.
“So many of us, so many of our veteran women in particular, they are walking around with that broken heart,” Day said. “Kisha is leaving us a reminder that we need to reach out, we need to look out, we need to step outside of ourselves and see there is something we can do. Let’s all commit ourselves to do something.”
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