Cindy Foster Grace
For the AJC
I am the daughter of a caregiver. My father is now retired, but for over 40 years, he served as a pharmacist for a locally-owned drugstore in a rural Georgia town. Our home phone number was listed in the phone book for “after hours” emergencies and numerous times per week, after daddy worked a 12-hour day, our dinner or even our sleep was interrupted by a call from a patient.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I learned a lot about self-care by observing my father. By its very nature, a career in healthcare is as much a calling as it is a profession. My father was no different. He felt called to help people who are sick and in crisis. Sometimes the crisis was real but often daddy was consulted because a frantic patient needed some calming reassurance about a medication or a side effect. Always soothing, Daddy never made light of a patient’s question even if it did seem trivial to the rest of us.
That being said, the constant barrage of questions and interrupted family time could have taken a toll on dad if he (and my mother) hadn’t used common sense about the necessity of self-care.
As a wise friend once observed, if your well is dry, you can’t nourish those who come to you seeking replenishment. You must also be replenished to be effective.
Of course, proper nutrition and exercise played a big role at our house. My mother cooked wholesome meals, low in fat with lots and LOTS of vegetables…especially when the summer garden was coming in. Daddy would often come home and run a few miles cross country before dinner but it was what he did to restore his spirit that I believe made the biggest impact on his well-being and his ability to be an effective and beloved small town pharmacist.
Every person is different, but for Daddy, a day spent chopping wood or working in the garden seemed to restore him mentally. Along with good physical activity, the repetitiveness of chopping or plowing served as a sort of meditation leaving him tired in his body but calm in his mind.
We also had a cottage on a mountain lake with no television, no telephone and no radio. The only things to do were swim, fish, boat, read and relax. Forty-eight hours of being unplugged would put a spring back in Daddy’s step even after the most brutal 60 hour work week.
Naturally, fishing, gardening and chopping wood isn’t a restorative for everyone. Each person must find what it is that helps them disconnect momentarily from the sometimes extreme stress that comes from caring for sick people.
Some people thrive on physical activity, whether it’s a round of golf or a hike through the woods. Some people prefer quieter pursuits like a day of pampering or a massage.
Deena Handy, a psychiatric nurse who does home visits in Northeast Georgia has used yoga for the past 20 years to help keep herself centered.
Handy says, “Many times I have forgotten the benefits of yoga and gone my own stress-filled way until I am somehow reminded that getting on my yoga mat at home or going to a yoga class with friends is the healthiest and easiest way I know of to DE-stress and to prevent future stress buildup or DIStress/DISease.”
Handy finds that yoga is a detox physically, mentally and emotionally.
She explains, “Yoga allows the experience of presence, even in the middle of chaos…which caregiving can often be.”
She says that the original gift — our breath — is often something we take for granted. By returning our focus to our breath, we can be present in the moment.
She says that sometimes it’s a cognizant present-ness, a conscious blanking out of all negative thoughts. And, at other times it is becoming present with the physical body at deeper level than ever before.
She also says, “Being in the presence of other yoga friends who are also reaching for more from life is enlightening and motivating and of course a social outlet as well. The best present of yoga, however, is spiritual presence: a calm, complete, divine connection.”
One reason Handy has been a long time practitioner is because yoga is an always-accessible option.
She says, “No ‘matter’ can interfere unless you allow it. Problems don’t cease, but perspective and response change. When the caregiver can reach this connection, this calm completeness, then giving care to patients/loved ones reaches a new level as well.”
Self-care is indeed about properly nourishing the body and keeping the heart healthy and muscles strong. But it is so much more…find what it is that gives you emotional balance whether it be yoga, gardening, golfing, fishing or a day spent in a hammock with a good book. And most importantly, don’t feel bad about indulging. Self-care is not selfish. It is necessary to keep your well full so that those who come to you seeking healing will feel restored.
