The long arm of the law can cause trouble. Especially when it reaches for a zipper.
Credit: George Mathis
Credit: George Mathis
As you might've heard, DeKalb Sheriff Jeff Mann was arrested in Atlanta Saturday night on misdemeanor charges of indecency and obstruction .
Let's go over the indecency part first.
An Atlanta police officer's report says the sheriff was in an area of Piedmont Park "known for sexual acts after dark" when he was observed [CENSORED] his britches.
The officer said he could clearly observe the alleged naughtiness thanks to nearby street lights.
The sheriff then took the law into his own hand, according to the police report, by fully exposing himself, walking toward the officer and [CENSORED].
What about the obstruction charge?
When Mann was about seven feet away the officer whipped out his flashlight (legal) and the chase was on.
As any law enforcement officer will tell you, only Bo and Duke Luke ever improved their situation by running from police and a lot of that wasn't even real.
After an impromptu quarter-mile jog Mann stopped to tie his shoes and the cop caught up. He surrendered near Skate Escape on Piedmont Avenue.
The news here? It took an Atlanta police officer several blocks to catch a 54-year-old man who had loose shoes and well-ventilated pants. Police probably don't catch the younger, faster park denizens.
Mann, who is unmarried, calls the arrest a misunderstanding and vows to clear is name.
That means he's going to beg the solicitor to drop the charges.
Is it possible the APD officer didn't properly grasp the situation?
Sure. But why would someone drive miles from their home to take a walk in a public park at 11 p.m.? With two condoms in their pocket?
Some question's aren't easily answered, but it's fun to try anyway.
- The sheriff was tracking an evildoer to his lair like some kind of superhero. Off the clock of course.
- He delivers for Amazon Now and someone ordered emergency contraception.
- He's taking night classes and got confused when the professor said Georgia was never a "penal" colony.
- It was a planned outing of an hitherto unknown owl watching club.
- He thought he'd get started on that walk to church a few hours early.
- There's a super-rare Pokemon called [CENSORED] hiding in the park and it only comes out at night.
Any of these excuses would make for an entertaining trial, but sometimes it's best to just pay the fine and hope voters forget before the next election.
As a DeKalb resident, I've lost the ability to be embarrassed by the actions of public officials.
Since 2000, when former DeKalb Sheriff Sidney Dorsey ordered the execution of Sheriff-elect Derwin Brown, everything else seems like a walk in the park.
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