Georgia’s strongest couples share this trait, UGA study finds

Chocolates are great. Flowers are even better. But the best Valentine’s Day present might be growing closer to your special someone through the gift of mindfulness.

According to University of Georgia researcher and relationship expert Evin Richardson — co-director of the Couples and Relationship Enrichment Lab — mindfulness can level up your relationship in a major way.

“Overall, a lot of what my research focuses on is understanding what traits, behaviors and other contextual factors might contribute to the well-being of couples’ relationships,” she told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Mindfulness, a trait that “reflects the person’s ability to be present, non-reactive and non-judgmental in how they process their experiences,” is the subject of her recent study. Richardson and fellow study author Ted Futris used data featuring 415 couples in northeast Georgia to assess how mindfulness affects relationship well-being.

“Our findings really suggested that … individuals who are more mindful tend to report higher relationship efficacy, which in turn is associated with better couple relationship quality and co-parenting relationship quality,” she said.

For instance, participants that were more mindful were more confident they could navigate unexpected challenges and achieve important goals with their partners.

“I think that the main point is that mindfulness does play a role in how you behave and how you react, which then plays a role in how well you and your partner do as a couple,” Richardson said.

There are ways to improve your mindfulness, which the UGA researcher said can help you become closer to your partner and strengthen your connection together.

“It’s like a muscle,” she explained. “You’re building that muscle to be more aware, nonjudgmental and less reactive.”

Pausing for reflection

To be more mindful in your relationship, make sure you are taking time to pause and reflect on your thoughts and emotions throughout each day. Especially in moments of stress, step back and consider what is going through your mind and ask yourself why you are having those feelings.

“It really helps us notice how we show up in our relationship,” Richardson said. “For example, if you’re feeling really irritated, anxious or overwhelmed around your partner and you notice yourself maybe becoming really reactive in a certain situation, maybe just pause and practice this.”

Next, take a few deep breaths. Are your shoulders really tense? Taking as long as you need, relax your muscles. Consider what might be triggering you or your partner’s reaction.

“It could be work stress, parenting challenges, something else entirely,” she said. “Just simply recognize what it is that has you stressed, then that might help you communicate more clearly with your partner and help you avoid unnecessary conflict.”

Being present

Smartphones, television, work emails — modern life can be quite distracting. Another major way you can improve your mindfulness in your relationship is by practicing being more present in the moment.

“It’s really easy to be physically together, but be worlds apart — mentally elsewhere,” Richardson said. “Research shows that couples who are intentionally spending that time together — being present with each other without distractions — report higher satisfaction and higher well-being.”

Have kids? Consider taking a moment to check in with your partner whenever your children are playing or asleep. Turn the TV off and put away your phones first though. These should be device-free conversations, where both partners are fully present with each other.

Make time for regular dates together, even if they’re low-cost dates at home. This one-on-one time can help you stay connected, share stressors and check in on each other’s feelings.

Embracing healthy conflict

Another way to practice better mindfulness is to embrace healthy conflict in your relationship.

“Conflict is inevitable, and it’s actually healthy,” Richardson said. “When I see couples who say, ‘Oh, we never fight. We never get into conflict.’ At least one of you is being passive and not expressing your needs.”

Problems can arise when you ruminate on issues bothering you, rather than communicating those issues to your partner. Emotions may escalate, possibly leading to a harsher confrontation later when negative feelings finally boil over. Instead, calmly address the issue and express your needs with your partner.