Holiday etiquette: Should you quit gifting if they don’t thank you?
“Thank you.”
Those two small words can warm any gift giver’s heart, yet many older adults rarely hear or read them — from grandkids, adult children or even friends and siblings.
Whether it’s distance, isolation or social norms, thoughtful gifts too often go unacknowledged.
What does a family matriarch or patriarch do then? Continue shopping and shipping, or stop buying and mailing since no one seems to appreciate your effort? Atlanta-area etiquette and civility experts offer some advice.
Give a grace period
“My family lives in another state and some live in another country, so I give them time to respond, especially at Christmastime,” Peggy M. Parks, a certified image consultant and president of Parks Image Group, told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
If you still haven’t heard back after a week or two, Parks recommends following up with a phone call.
“Ask nicely if they received the gift,” Parks said. “You cannot trust mail services these days as we did in the past.
“If they admit to getting the gift, you’re free to let them know you were worried they hadn’t, and also let them know you were hurt that you never heard back,” she suggested.
Reflect before reacting
When you do reach out, maintain a courteous and neutral tone, etiquette coach Inga Bailey of the Atlanta Swann School of Protocol told the AJC.
If a relative you’ve had tension with doesn’t acknowledge your gift, resist the urge to take it personally or respond in the heat of the moment. Instead, take a step back and consider the situation from all angles.
“Ask yourself, ‘Was this a one-time oversight or is it a pattern?’” Bailey said.
A delay in communication could simply mean they’re traveling or dealing with holiday chaos.
Try again
Once you’ve had time to reflect, consider giving the recipient another chance. Reaching out again can help you gauge the situation.
“I would give them a second chance on another occasion, but if I don’t hear back from them, I would take them off my gift list,” Parks said.
Downgrade your gift giving
You can certainly opt to adjust your gifting, but do so quietly and avoid complaining to other family members or mutual acquaintances.
Even when others fall short, model the behavior you’d like to see by continuing to send prompt and thoughtful thank-you notes, Bailey encouraged.
“Always remember the spirit of giving: Proper etiquette reminds us that true generosity expects nothing in return.”
