With the new school year underway, you’ve likely heard new names — and requests to have friends over.
For elementary schoolers, typically that means getting the other parents’ contact information and setting up a playdate. However, things change for middle school and high school students.
Making your home a place where older kids and their friends want to hang out isn’t just about having the latest gadgets — it’s also about creating a warm, welcoming atmosphere.
In a time when phones and social media shape so much of kids’ social lives, creating a safe space for real connection matters more than ever.
“So much of teen communication happens in online spaces,” Willough Jenkins, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of California San Diego, told TODAY, “so having a physical place to practice in-person social interactions is something I hope families can develop and cultivate.”
Even if being the “hangout home” seems like too much of a commitment, there are ways you can make your child’s friends feel more comfortable anytime they visit.
Make sure everyone is fed
While this may seem like a no-brainer, being a place where your kids and their friends always know there will be something to eat is a great first step.
Create a snack station in the common room, or simply have your child show their friends where snacks are available in the kitchen.
Feeding your child and their friends doesn’t have to be fancy — kids and teens care more about feeling considered than being impressed.
Give clear expectations
When your child starts bringing the same friends over, it’s important that those friends understand your house rules — it’s a key part in making your home comfortable for everyone.
If you don’t allow running in the house or have rules about certain games or movies, make those boundaries clear from the start to avoid misunderstandings.
Jenkins recommends that parents attempting to have hangout houses should have “no different boundaries or expectations for friends than you do for your own child.”
“That consistency is important,” he said.
Leave them alone
As a parent, it can be tempting to hover when your child has friends over — whether to make sure everything’s going well or just to watch them socialize.
Reject this impulse and instead find ways to keep yourself occupied when your child has friends over. That does not mean you should be completely closed off from any socialization with your child’s friends. In fact, there are times when they may call you for questions or advice.
However, stay away from trying to fix every disagreement between peers, as that may take away some of their problem-solving ability for the future.
“Hangout homes allow kids to have a space without constant parent involvement or intervention and don’t make them feel like someone is always listening to their conversations,” Jenkins said.
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