When hope helps and when it holds you back

Several years ago, renowned primatologist and conservationist Jane Goodall wrote a book titled “A Reason to Hope,” which was truly inspirational. I was fortunate to be speaking at an event where she spoke as well, and we got to know each other a little.

With the understanding she shared through her work with chimpanzees and other primates, she gave us a reason to hope. Though she died last year, her contributions live on.

Even in our bleakest moments, we can have the hope that someone or something is just around the corner for us. There is always a reason to hang on and stick around, but it is also important to examine what we are hoping for. Sometimes you need to look at whether what you are hoping for is actually helping or hurting you, so you can make the decision to change, if you should.

For example, if you develop feelings for someone who has made it clear they do not share them, continuing to hope they will change their mind can be emotionally unhealthy. Once someone has said that you’re not the one, the only choice you have is to move on. Holding on too tightly often creates more distance.

Love and meaningful relationships are still possible, but they cannot be built with someone if they’ve turned you down. Each attempt to change their mind can erode your self-esteem. You have to learn to let go, so you can find the right person, and this is never as easy as it sounds.

You have to realize that you are not letting go of hope but rather letting go of your own unhealthy fantasy. Once you make that realization, and understand that there is someone or something that will fill your desire, then you are on the road to reality.

Spending your life wishin’ and hopin’ — and never getting what you wish for — can be lonely and may lead to depression. Look, I wanted to be a rock star and it didn’t happen, but all that energy that I put into it performing and songwriting has made me a better speaker and writer. Had I not changed my path, realizing I was not the next Mick Jagger, I could have ended up chasing that dream and missing the fulfilling work I am now doing.