How to tell family to stop asking invasive questions

Even if your family has the best intentions, it feels so personal, and often invasive, to be passing the yams and all of a sudden you’re hit with, “So, how’s your love life?” Or “How’s dating going for you?” Or worse, “When are you bringing home someone special for us to meet?”

I want to give you five scripts that you can choose from so you’re coming from a place of empowerment, not defensiveness — and you don’t feel like you have to excuse yourself from the table before dessert.

Before you even get to the scripts, though, it can help to remind yourself that curiosity does not equal entitlement. Many people ask these questions out of habit, not malice, especially in family settings where small talk defaults to relationships. Going in with the mindset that you are allowed to redirect the conversation, without overexplaining or apologizing, can make it much easier to deliver any of the responses below with confidence.

“I appreciate your interest, but that’s not something I’d like to talk about tonight.”

It’s kind, calm and sets a boundary.

“When there is something to know, I will be happy to share.”

It basically says, “Leave me alone” but with the promise to include them in any good news later. It establishes the same boundary but in a cheekier, more inclusive, playful way.

“I’ve met some wonderful people, and I’m just looking for the right connection.”

This is very similar to what I have clients answer when someone asks on the app, “How’s the app going for you?” It keeps the conversation positive and moving along in the right direction. Nothing to sulk about or dwell on … just facts.

“I appreciate your asking. If you know anyone great to set me up with, let me know.”

If you want to include them a little bit, this answer puts the onus back on them. If you’re going to ask, then help me give you something to talk about.

“It’s going great. How’s yours going?”