Growing up in the 1960s, I expected my universe to revolve as my parents’ world had, which included finding and keeping — for life — a mate.
My search began in elementary school when my eyes wandered toward the cutest boy I wanted to “go with” — to this day, no idea what that meant or if, in fact, we were actually going anywhere.
High school brought serious quarterback infatuations, but no one kept my attention.
Right on time at UGA, my true love arrived, scooped me up, and my soulmate era began. Then, one day, it broke.
Three children and 24 years later, I was single again. My curveball manifested in a long-overdue divorce, following years that had beaten me down so that I barely recognized the woman I had become. Starting over, I wondered, “Do I know how to do this? Who in the world will want me at this stage of my broken life?”
The world was different, and navigating it petrified me. Focusing on the positive, I realized this was the time to create the life I had imagined. So, for better or worse, I learned to swipe. (Stay tuned for my results.)
Matchmaking and the era of online dating
Computer-assisted matchmaking began in 1965. With the pitch of “Your business is our pleasure. Your pleasure is our business,” Operation Match launched in a Harvard dorm room with two men, a few basic questions and IBM punch cards, in hopes a computer could find their ideal match.
The concept took a while to catch on, but it is going gangbusters now.
A success, it energized alternatives to the current dating climate. Enter the World Wide Web, the unmistakable dial-up tone and the movie “You’ve Got Mail (1998),” which jump-started online dating. Apps invigorated dating at all stages and ages, finding connections that might have, otherwise, been impossible.
Making it easier to enter the fray, the online setting allowed people to disclose only what they wanted to, increasing the pool of prospective people while maintaining a degree of control. But with the positives came a bundle of negatives, including a lack of social interaction and the rise of scam artists. Yet, according to the Pew Research Center, 3 in 10 adults have used a dating site, with the highest frequency being adults who have never been married and those who have been divorced or widowed.
As they say, the rest is history. Regardless of your type, there’s an app. All it takes is a download and a profile.
Go to the mountaintop with me
Never scoff at a century’s old tradition. Every September in Lisdoonvarna, Ireland, thousands travel from all over the world looking for love at the Matchmaker Bar. Legend claims that if you touch the matchmaker’s “lucky book” with both hands, you’ll be married in six months.
Give it a go, but there is a closer alternative.
The powerhouse duo of Atlanta Matchmakers transforms lives, one date at a time, removing fear and replacing it with hope. Lisa Lyngos and her twin sister, Leisha Murphy, have matched people for nearly 30 years with heart, humor and respect, and whether or not this is your avenue for finding a relationship, their excitement is contagious.
Credit: Atlanta Matchmakers
Credit: Atlanta Matchmakers
This is not a hobby, explains Lyngos. In the late 1990s, they purchased the largest phone book Yellow Pages ads possible and filled mailboxes with tens of thousands of direct mailers. Potential clients learned of them through ads in Atlanta Magazine or via airwaves on the Delilah Radio Show. Print and voice carried their message to the booming, post-Olympic Atlanta area.
One of their first clients, a 30-year-old man who traveled for work during the week and returned home on weekends, was tired of Saturday night watering-hole conversations. He needed direction. Lyngos worked on his match, and after his first date, the required follow-up was enlightening. “She was hotter than a two-dollar pistol,” he declared and asked, “Who else you got?”
A connection, yes, but not the kind the duo wanted for their clients. And it was at that point, they honed in on their ideal client and the intended result.
“There’s a pleasure center in the brain,” explains Lyngos. Along with pleasure, a dream factor. Understanding these concepts, coupled with fierce business skills mastered from strong women, 63-year-old twins Lyngos and Murphy created an alternative for ubiquitous barhopping.
People engage them to curate matches, and in the process of vetting, screening and developing a dating personality, a deeper understanding develops.
“We’re experts because we have put the time in,” shares Lyngos.
While this approach isn’t for everyone, online dating becomes an alternative. To Lyngos, it’s a predatory place and going to get worse because of artificial intelligence.
“We have had children come to us with a parent and say, ‘Please help my mother or father. They believe this is real.’” When you’re lonely, it’s amazing to wake up every day to that text that tells you how wonderful you are.
Most arrive at Atlanta Matchmakers as a result of death or divorce or other life-altering circumstances such as family, career or personal loss. Regardless of the circumstance, they instill in clients that their strengths lie in who they are now. The majority of their clients are 50 and older, proving that love is truly ageless with 65 and older the fastest growing audience.
People want companionship, privacy and discretion. While most are relationship-ready, the busy, educated professionals don’t want the bar life or online uncertainty. They want a committed, long-term relationship and value compatibility over being alone. Even if a career remains in full swing, there’s alone time between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. Speaking as someone who has shared her entire life with another, life is more fun when shared. It’s the power of two.
Lyngos understands the fear of reentering dating scenarios and believes what they do transcends matchmaking. “Older singles tell us they feel invisible in today’s dating landscape. They want to be seen again.”
Clients run the gamut between a horrible past experience to a deliriously happy one, which Lyngos deems as the best “because they already know how to do it. They’ve been good at the nuances of a long-term relationship and want to re-create that. They aren’t trying to replace the spouse; they know they are better when they are in a relationship.”
On the flip side, a 70-year-old gentleman explained that he had lost his spouse. Offering sympathy, Lyngos listened to his reply. “Don’t be too sorry. I was a saint. She was a horrible, mean woman. I took a vow, and I took it seriously. We joined a dinner club, and it was our week. I was going all out, and she told me just go get a Stouffers lasagna. ‘Why do we have to go to all this effort?’ She rained on everything. We would take a hike and just getting to the top where the view was great, she says, ‘I’m too tired to make it, take a picture and show it to me later.’ Lisa, find me somebody excited about cuisine. Find somebody who will go to the mountaintop with me.’ And she did.”
The advice on dating again: be happy and hopeful. Put yourself out there. Be curious, optimistic and excited. There’s a thriving community of happy, healthy, emotionally stable people at this age, and now is the time to enjoy it.
Whether or not you choose a matchmaking service, don’t be afraid to take a chance. My swipe turned into a 15-year marriage with the best yet to come.
After all, 70 is the new 50.
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