Mother’s Day is almost here, and while brunch reservations, flowers and homemade cards will fill homes this Sunday, many moms will still quietly juggle a thousand invisible tasks in the background.
It’s called the “mental load” or “invisible load,” and if you’re the main caregiver in your household, you know exactly what that means. From booking doctor’s appointments and packing the diaper bag to remembering school projects and which kid only drinks from the green cup, the behind-the-scenes work never stops.
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
For Atlanta-based content creator Lauren Chambers, who balances two kids (Hayden, 6 months, and Lola, 2), a booming social media career and marriage, the mental load is both a challenge and a familiar companion in her viral videos.
“Mom math”
Chambers has offered real, unfiltered glimpses into her life for more than a decade. She first built a following with Fashionably Lo, her blog focused on affordable office outfits — back when co-workers snapped her photos and social media was just starting to take off.
These days, she’s creating content on Instagram and TikTok, focusing on lifestyle, motherhood and her body image journey.
“I still share style, but more as it relates to being a mom and that journey — and just everything in between,” Chambers told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution in an interview.
Her followers especially connect with what she calls “mom math,” the constant mental calculations behind even the smallest plans.
“It’s like, OK, I have to leave by 5:30, so I need to get dressed by 4:30, which means dinner has to start at 3:30,” she says. “It’s a lot of planning just to walk out the door.”
There’s no surprise her audience relates. A 2024 University of Bath study found moms handle 71% of household mental tasks, compared to 45% for dads. And while fathers often take on episodic jobs like home repairs or finances, moms typically manage the relentless day-to-day — child care, meals, schoolwork and activities — often without asking for help.
Why moms feel the weight
Beyond the logistics, the mental load is also emotional.
Renee Reina, host of “The Mom Room” podcast, points out that moms are often the ones researching sleep strategies, health questions and parenting hacks, only to then have to relay all that information to their partners.
Chambers, who admits to being type A, says even when her husband wants to help, “I’m not always great at delegating or asking. I want to do it myself — and then I get overwhelmed.”
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
She’s learned that having systems, like a weekly checklist and a calendar reminder for things like stocking up on supplies and doctor appointments, helps lighten the load. But equally important? Letting go of the idea that she has to do it all alone.
Finding relief, one step at a time
So, what helps? For Chambers, it’s been a mix of learning to delegate, building small breaks into her week and welcoming a little company.
“Sometimes just having a friend come over and play with the kids while I fold laundry is such a gift,” she says. “Or my husband taking the toddler so I can handle the baby without distraction.”
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
Experts agree that communication is key. Clinical psychologist Ashurina Ream recommends couples sit down and write out all household tasks, then decide who takes full ownership (from start to finish) so the responsibility doesn’t boomerang back.
If you need a little help sparking that conversation, check out Eve Rodsky’s “Fair Play Deck,” a bestselling card system for dividing household tasks.
How to lighten the mental load (for yourself and others)
If you’re a mom or main caregiver:
- Set up a weekly calendar check-in for household essentials.
- Block out “me time” — even 30 minutes can help.
- Let go of perfection. It’s OK if the laundry isn’t folded your way.
If you’re a partner or friend:
- Offer specific help (“I’ll handle dinner and cleanup” beats “Let me know if you need anything”).
- Take full ownership of tasks.
- Give mom guilt-free space to rest, recharge or just scroll memes in peace.
The dream Mother’s Day? Press pause
While gifts are nice, Chambers says the ultimate Mother’s Day present is simple: time to pause the mental hamster wheel.
“Let me sleep in, maybe watch TV while someone else handles breakfast and bedtime,” she says. “Or give me a few hours to myself. That’s honestly the dream.”
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
Credit: arvin.temkar@ajc.com
But beyond one day of rest, Chambers hopes for a shift in how we think about motherhood itself.
“I want my kids to see us both enjoying and living life, being selfish sometimes, having fun and having a version of ourselves outside of the family dynamic,” she says.
So here’s to giving moms a mental break they’re often too busy to ask for — because they’re trying, they’re showing up and they deserve it.
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