From answering machines to texts, don’t forget this personal touch
When I was a kid, my dad brought home an answering device for our landline. He was such a cutting-edge guy.
This machine would actually lift the handle of the phone, so it could connect when we were away or unable to answer the call. It was about the size of a big telephone book, and all the neighbors came over to see it when it first arrived.
We kids weren’t allowed to touch it, so we waited until Dad got home to listen to who had called that day. It was fun for a little while, and then we got used to it, and then more technology entered our lives.
Some of it made life easier, some of it made life more complicated, but that’s the nature of progress. Ultimately, that progress helped keep people connected. Before answering machines, I remember sitting at home waiting for important phone calls. Then suddenly we were more mobile, checking messages from our pagers at payphones.
Life and communication has changed drastically since then, and although getting in touch with others is much easier and more efficient than it used to be, in some ways our communication has become less personal. It may not be so important in the grand scheme of things, but are we losing the habit of using each other’s names?
Communicating by text or email works in most situations, but if you want to give your message some emotional impact, it’s best to address the other person by name in your communication. Whether or not they notice this on a conscious level, it can still make a difference. Instead of seeing what you sent as just another text, the other person may feel more personally connected and respond appropriately.
I do try to use people’s names in all of my correspondence, and it helps me focus my attention on that person. I think it also makes my communication clearer and more polite. People generally respond positively to niceness.
When I answer the phone, I usually say my name. I don’t just say hello, unless it’s an obvious marketing call. In a world that has become so much more complicated, keeping the personal touch alive in our communication matters. It puts people at ease and shows you are fully present and willing to talk about whatever is on the table.
In face-to-face conversations, saying someone’s name once or twice is great — especially at the beginning and or end of a conversation — but it’s important not to overdo it.
There are other ways to make conversations more personal, and you can always ask what others prefer when it comes to verbal and written communications. That way, you know exactly how to make them feel heard.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.