How to take the pressure out of the holiday season

Believe it or not, I’ve already seen Christmas decorations in the aisles of local department stores. The temperature finally dropped below 80 degrees, and yet the reindeer are already primed to take their yearly trip from the North Pole.

I can’t say that I’ve paid consistent attention to how early we begin seeing the signs of the winter holidays, but this feels pretty early and, with it, the pressure to “make the holidays magical.”

There’s plenty of fanfare about the joy of the season, but very little conversation about what it takes to create that joy. If you’re feeling tapped out on the idea of perfectly stenciled place settings and a front-yard light show that rivals a Hartsfield-Jackson runway, here are a few things to consider.

Make a list and check it twice

Oftentimes, when there’s a running list of things in our head, it’s not obvious how long — and exhausting — the list has become. Grab a notebook or open your Notes app and write out everything you’re actively doing or planning for the holiday season. Seeing it all in one place can help you get a clearer picture of what you’re trying to manage.

Then, look for tasks that can be delegated, shared with others or eliminated altogether. But be careful that you’re not delegating a task only to then micromanage how it gets done. That won’t actually create more bandwidth for you. Try something like telling a relative that they’re responsible for the Thanksgiving menu this year and that they can simply let you know what will be served.

Getting better at asking for help and then letting people actually show up, even when it may not look like what we would create, is an excellent exercise in surrender and community.

Ask where your vision for holiday magic came from

Years ago, the only way to see how other families were crafting holiday magic was to be a guest in their home or casually observe as you drove by. Today, social media gives us a front-row seat to all the ways others are celebrating, which can leave us feeling like we’re not doing enough or falling short.

Consider that the beautiful photos and elaborate ideas you see online can be options and inspiration, not a mandate. If you’d like to participate, by all means, go for it. But your holiday is no less beautiful without all of the trappings you may see online.

Set your budget early

When the holiday sales start early, it can be easy to lose track of how much you’re actually spending. Before the jingle bells get too loud, decide how much you can comfortably afford to spend this year.

The pressure to create the holiday we think we’re supposed to have can introduce lots of little charges that can add up quickly. Setting a budget early can help you be more intentional about where your money goes and avoid unnecessary financial stress later.

Audit the traditions you’ve created

Sometimes we fall into a routine of doing things for the holidays without actually examining whether it’s something that’s still meaningful or worthy of our time and energy. Coming up with 30 days of activities for your Elf on the Shelf may have been worthwhile when your child was 6, but now that they’re 11, it may not carry the same weight.

It’s OK to discontinue traditions if they no longer feel meaningful or if you are simply no longer interested in participating in them. The beauty of the holidays is that each of us can decide how or if we’d like to celebrate.

Giving yourself permission to reimagine what that looks like can often lead to even more unique celebrations that will lend themselves to the kinds of memories I think we’re often hoping to create anyway.

Ask yourself this one question

“In 15 years, what would I like my family to remember about how we spent the holidays?”

Sure, your little one might remember that killer Lego set they got for Christmas one year. But they may also remember the family talent show they performed in with their cousins or the annual viewing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

I think that what we’re hoping for when we chase the holiday magic is a feeling of warmth, togetherness, celebration and family. Corporations have done an excellent job of selling us an image of what that magic should look like, but those images don’t always capture what we’re actually seeking: the feeling of being considered, being present, being grateful and experiencing joy.

Those feelings don’t require elaborate decorations, expensive gifts or packed schedules. They often come from slowing down and being intentional about how we spend our time, energy and resources.

This column is designed to be educational and informational only and should not be interpreted as medical advice. It is not a substitute for seeking the support of a licensed mental health or medical professional.