Why lasting love takes work
If you’re in love, you may want to prepare yourself for the hard truth: at some point the honeymoon phase will end. Passionate love may not last forever, but a good relationship can.
The problem is that people often do not put in the work necessary to keep their relationships thriving.
You can’t try to destroy a relationship and then expect it to survive. Love is not a cockroach. It cannot survive toxic energy. A relationship needs tenderness and care to grow. If you continually try to knock your partner down, you may eventually push them away. Even the strongest person has limits when it comes to being mistreated.
Treating your partner with respect and appreciation can strengthen your bond and help both of you feel more secure in an uncertain world.
But if you can no longer treat your partner with kindness, it may be time to consider whether the relationship should continue. Counseling may help, but if you repeatedly take out your frustrations with life on the person you love, something needs to change.
Problems begin when we forget the true meaning of having a partner and become too wrapped up in ourselves. When that happens, we risk becoming so consumed by our own needs and resentments that we have little left to give to others.
Finding a loving partner is not all that easy. That doesn’t mean staying in a relationship at any cost. If you’re not getting what you need from your relationship, you can choose to work on that relationship to make things better. Your partner and family will benefit from your positive emotional energy.
I have seen couples break up because they felt that the relationship was too much effort. If you cannot dedicate 10 percent of your time to helping things stay on a positive track, then you may not have what it takes to be in a good relationship.
A relationship in which you respect each other gives you a great deal of personal power. Having someone in your corner can give you the strength to climb Everest, write the Great American Novel, or just simply enjoy your time here on earth.
One of the great things about love is that you will generally get more than you give, if you give freely. Knowing that your love is a constant in your universe can give you the strength to deal with life’s curveballs and upsets. And it is truly that simple.
Couples who are in good relationships will all tell you that it works because they make it work. That takes a little time, a lot of understanding, and a willingness to make your life and love the best it can be.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide; reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.