Just before Thanksgiving, we finally got a new dining room set. Now we could seat 10 people and share a meal, the way it was meant to be done. There is something about friends and family gathering around a holiday table that is just plain heartwarming.
The dinner was lovely, and everyone complimented the table and chairs. But the next morning, I noticed some marks on the table. Someone must have put a hot dish down and it left several scars on the wood.
Don’t you just hate it when you get a new toy and it breaks the first day? Like getting a door ding in your new car, or handprints on a wall you just painted.
I spent the next four months trying everything I could think of to get rid of those marks. Every time I walked by the table, it bugged me — that is, until today.
I’ve decided that these marks are reminders of the first Thanksgiving we had around our new table. They have suddenly become sentimental. I could actually take out the marred table leaf, and even give ourselves a few more square feet in the dining room, but I am enjoying thinking of what the next gathering is going to be like and remembering the last one.
At one point or another, everything in life gets nicked, scratched or broken — even our relationships. It seems to me that we think of these as losses and don’t feel as good about ourselves when they happen. By just changing our mindset to look for the positive in these perceived scars on our life, we can make our days brighter and be less pessimistic in our thinking.
Experiencing the pain of seeing something you’ve worked hard for get busted up is a drag. Holding onto the feeling and reminding yourself how much you hate it every time you walk by it will also drag your energy down. Even little annoyances take away from our ability to enjoy what life has to offer. The trick here is to turn those irritations into something else, like memories.
If we can find places to change our thinking from negative to positive it makes a difference in our lives. You also get a major boost to your self-confidence, knowing that because you had the ability to change your thinking or behavior once, you can do it again.
I tested the theory out over a weekend and it is still working. Now I smile at the table, remembering the joy and jokes that passed between the guests who gathered together over the season, and anticipating those who will join us at future events.
Whatever you have that has gotten scratched, blemished, dinged or dented, look to find the positive memory in it. It’s hard to do sometimes but if you can, it’s a real gift you are giving yourself.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.