Phil Nevin was the star quarterback for the El Dorado Hawks. He arrived at school one morning, and some kids from rival Esperanza High had visited campus.
Rubber chickens were hanging all over the senior quad of the Placentia, Calif., school. The walls were spray-painted with various insults, such as "Chicken Hawks." Then Nevin noticed another one.
"NEVIN, WE'RE GOING TO BREAK YOUR LEGS!"
He laughed.
"That's the fun part of high school," Nevin said.
It's safe to say the former major league All-Star would not fit in with the Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association. If that group has its way, fans literally couldn't say, "Boo."
The WIAA recently sent out a directive banning fans from actions that are "clearly intended to taunt or disrespect" opponents. The group's heart may have been in the right place, but critics say its brain has been hijacked by the Politically Correct Police.
"People are getting too sensitive about kids staying positive," Hockey hall of famer Mike Modano said. "There are no winners or losers. Everybody's in first place."
Not only are Wisconsin crowds not supposed to boo, they're not supposed to yell timeless standards such as "Air Ball," "Scoreboard" or "Over-Rated."
"That's the great fun of sports," Mardy Fish said.
The retired tennis pro was one of the sports stars who played in the Diamond Resorts Invitational celebrity golf tournament, which concluded Saturday with the third and final round at The Golden Bear Club in Windermere. The verdict on the WIAA was pretty much unanimous.
"The people in Wisconsin are stupid," Joe Theismann said.
Perhaps the most telling reaction was the You've-Got-To-Be-Kidding look on Brian Urlacher's face when told of the directive. It's safe to say that when the retired Chicago Bears linebacker played for the Lovington Wildcats in New Mexico, he wasn't worried particularly about catching grief.
"You've got to be able to give the opposing team a little bit of crap, don't you?" Urlacher said.
Not in Wisconsin. The WIAA became a national punching bag when its ban came to light, though the story began when it sent a December email to schools reminding them of existing guidelines.
The controversy blew up when April Gehl, the leading scorer on the Hilbert High basketball team, saw the rules and tweeted her opinion.
"Eat (bleep) WIAA," she wrote.
Administrators at Hilbert suspended Gehl for five games, transforming her into a martyr for the anti-PC movement.
Imagine Donald Trump in a girls basketball uniform. Imagine the WIAA as bureaucrats out of touch with Middle America.
High-school gyms are not supposed to be "safe zones." Pretending to read a newspaper while a player shoots a free throw should not be deemed a "microaggression" bordering on a "trigger warning" and even approaching a "hate crime" punishable by probation or suspension from postseason play.
"My gosh," Theismann said. "If it's an air ball, is the kid going to cry in the bathroom?"
WIAA spokesman Todd Clark said the organization is simply trying to promote sportsmanship and concerned about youths emulating the tasteless antics they see at college and pro games.
The lesson is that life isn't always easy. There will be pressure to perform, and bosses aren't going to pat you on the head and give you a participation trophy when you make a mistake.
"You're trying to create a perfect world where nobody gets pushed and nobody gets challenged," Theismann said. "Believe me, our kids need to be challenged."
The WIAA's Sportsmanship Guide addresses 29 acts of disrespect. Everyone agrees things such as throwing objects at the field or court, race-based insults and banning alcohol consumption make sense for inclusion on that list.
But most acts on Wisconsin's no-no list show little distinction between incendiary insults and good-natured teasing.
There shall be no "We Can't Hear You!" No "You! You! You!" No "Warm Up the Bus!"
"That's just fans having a good time," said Bret Saberhagen, a two-time Cy Young Award winner.
The No. 1 rule on the WIAA's list:
"No booing of any kind."
No booing in sports?
"Hell, I loved it," Urlacher said. "You want to (tick) them off. You want to prove them wrong."
Not every youth is wired like Urlacher, of course. But every youth can grow from facing doubt and fear.
"If you're getting coddled (in high school), you expect to be coddled the rest of your life," Modano said. "And life ain't easy."
Tennis and golf are sports where even the pros are coddled. Unless John McEnroe was on a rant, has anybody ever yelled, "Boo!" at Wimbledon's Centre Court?
Fish won six ATP Tour tournament titles, an Olympic silver medal and was the No. 1-ranked American in 2011. But his proudest moment came in the Davis Cup, where normal rules of tennis decorum are replaced by raw nationalism.
It was the 2010 match against Colombia, aka "The Battle of Bogota." The event was staged in a bullring. Fans treated Santiago Giraldo like the matador and Fish like the bull.
They wanted him slaughtered. They yelled, "Ole! Ole! Ole!" One guy screamed, "Hey, Fish, your forehand stinks!"
"He did it between every point," Fish recalled with a grin.
It went on for more than four hours. Then Fish finally broke Giraldo's serve and won 8-6 in the fifth set.
"There's a life lesson there in problem-solving and mental toughness," Fish said. "It's something that matures you and you learn a great deal from. You've got to learn how to handle things."
It takes character and toughness to stick your head in the lion's mouth. Except in Wisconsin, where they're washing out the lion's mouth with soap.
"You want to know who's implementing these rules?" Nevin said. "Guys who never played sports before and think it's something bad."
At the risk of being disrespectful, they should take it from a lot of guys who have played sports.
Your rules are an air ball. Please warm up the bus.
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