The second best thing to watching Jordan Spieth perform oral surgery on a golf course is watching the course administer the nitrous oxide and do it back to him.
Frankly, aren’t there times when you just need to see these guys in their pretty golf clothes and Fortune 500 logos suffer for their craft?
You need to know that somewhere in a job that can be boiled down to, “Yeah, I visit between 20 to 30 top resorts and country clubs a year — so, what do you do for a living?” that there is something remotely resembling honest labor.
That’s why playing a U.S. Open at a place like Oakmont continues to be such a good idea. It is the venue most likely to produce a satisfied chuckle from the 24-handicapper watching on the screen back home that is much flatter than his belly.
Thursday’s first round here had issues ranging even beyond the suffocating rough and greens that can give a Titleist vertigo. After the third rain delay, the one that scrapped play for the day with half the field never having launched. Just enough golf was played this day to lend hope that Oakmont will indeed deliver the requisite Draymond Green-like punch to the comfortable class of the golfing elite.
There were seven players under par when the first round was called off — two of those with Georgia Bulldogs pedigrees, Bubba Watson (2 under through 14 holes) and Harris English (1 under through 12). Something will have to be done about that before a very long Friday is finished. Too many red numbers. It really is OK, amid the flush of low scoring on the PGA Tour, to set aside one week when some gritty, nasty subsistence golf is required.
People love low scoring, no doubt. The roars depend upon it. But there is a place for the groans, too. Rarely.
How can you not cherish a scene such as the one at No. 17 on Thursday, produced by Spieth, who, bless him, often emotes like an off-Broadway Willie Loman?
His approach to the par 4 defied physics. Landing 10 feet past the hole, the ball lurched into reverse. Back it went, passing the hole again on its way along a 20-foot journey to a front bunker.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
“You got to be kidding me,” Spieth said, not using his indoor voice. “How is that in the bunker? That is such crap.” And, yet, he saved par, so no harm really. Not even a violation of any profanity code not written by a fourth grader.
More of that, please.
The names atop the leaderboard are a diverse lot — in fact the leader among the few who actually finished the first round is a 19-year-old University of Texas sophomore (1 under), Scottie Scheffler. Honestly, there’s not a great need to analyze the makeup of the leaders since so much more havoc awaits them.
Those who aren’t on prominent display are worth note, however.
Take the threesome all ranked among the top nine in the world that stumbled in a combined 14 over through 12 holes. That would be Rory McIlroy (4 over), Rickie Fowler (6 over) and Masters champion Danny Willett (4 over).
In fairness, it should be mentioned that Oakmont also is capable of the occasional, unusual kindness. Zach Johnson has won a Masters and is the defending British Open champion, but the U.S. Open has treated him like a Hacky Sack. Through a dozen previous appearances he is a cumulative 142 over. Johnson navigated 11 holes Thursday at even par, which represented an impressive performance spike.
They are all scheduled to resume the first round at 7:30 Friday morning.
The weather did scramble things, and did create an added level of stress for the field. Why, some of the European players, hustled to the nearest safe haven during the first rain delay, had to watch an England-Wales soccer match in the media dining area, with the unwashed of the Fourth Estate.
And poor Watson, who originally had a late tee time for Friday and plans to leisurely enjoy Game 6 of the NBA Finals on Thursday night. “Obviously wish I could finish so I could watch the game all the way through tonight,” he said, suddenly confronted by a sunrise wake-up call.
Hopefully there are greater inconveniences to come.
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