As many times as he’s played it over in his head, only once this offseason did David Carpenter watch the home run he gave up to Juan Uribe on video.
In a quiet moment at home in Morgantown, W.Va., the Braves’ reliever cued it up on his iPad. Knowing plenty well what was going to happen next — Uribe would send a spinning, chest-high slider into the night sky at Dodger Stadium, the decisive blow in a 4-3 loss that knocked the Braves from the playoffs — Carpenter felt a rush of dread.
“You still get that anxiety, knowing what was going to happen,” Carpenter said.
But he knew he had to keep watching. The stretch, the pitch, the swing, the way Carpenter stood straight up on the mound as Uribe’s ball rocketed overhead, his eyes still on the plate, where the ball was supposed to be nestled safely in catcher Brian McCann’s glove.
“(I wanted) just to take a look at it, and then just let it rest,” Carpenter said. “I got it over with and said, ‘That’s the last time I’ll look at it.’”
In that moment at Dodger Stadium, and in the first few hours that followed it, Carpenter was crushed, as one would expect. Bullpen coach Eddie Perez found him at his locker in the visiting clubhouse, in tears.
“He was crying,” Perez said. “I said, ‘Hey, don’t worry about it. You did good for us. That’s why we’re here.’ Everybody (in the clubhouse) was listening to me. Everybody just sat there and watched our faces.”
Before anyone had time to say much more, a wave of media was let into the clubhouse. While manager Fredi Gonzalez headed to a news conference to defend his decision to stick with his top set-up man for two outs in the eighth, instead of using closer Craig Kimbrel, Carpenter met reporters in a dimly lit hallway outside the Braves’ clubhouse.
“It was my fault,” Carpenter said. “I’m the reason that we’re not going back to Atlanta tied 2-2. I’ll take the responsibility for it every time. I let the guys down. It kills me. It kills me to have to say that.”
Carpenter had to force the last two sentences around a lump in his throat. Even on the toughest night of what had been a dream season for the former college and minor-league catcher — a waiver claim by the Braves who posted a 1.78 ERA — he seemed to know exactly what to say. The harder part was for others to know what to say back.
But on the Braves’ chartered flight to Atlanta, broadcaster Don Sutton stopped Carpenter as he walked down the aisle. The Hall of Fame pitcher and 324-game winner told Carpenter something that would resonate for the next four months and into the start of spring training.
“He said, ‘You’ve got to let it sting for a while,’” Carpenter said of Sutton, who gave up 12 postseason home runs, including seven in four World Series with the Dodgers and Brewers. “He said, ‘It’s going to sting. You’re not human if it doesn’t. But don’t let it bury you. Don’t let it beat you. Take it into the offseason as motivation to come back better, to come back stronger and come back prepared for next year.”
The stinging part lasted for much of October, jabbing a little deeper whenever Carpenter turned on the TV to see other teams playing in the postseason, thinking of what might have been.
The pitch selection, the execution, and the result rolled over in his head into November. If he’d only thrown the slider with normal effort, not trying to “muscle up” and throw it as hard as he possibly could. Or what if he’d gone to the fastball there — he throws mid-90s — and blown Uribe away?
“There were nights that I didn’t sleep,” Carpenter said. “I’m not going to lie.”
But about the time he started to ramp up his offseason workouts in November, and he got the nerve to watch the video, Carpenter knew it was time to move on. He started counting down toward spring training.
“After it happened, I told him not to let it get him down, let it make him better,” said Kimbrel, a close friend of Carpenter’s. “It seemed like it has. He definitely came into camp ready. I mean, he’s ready to go right now.”
Carpenter is in shape, throwing hard, and working on a split-finger pitch to add to his repertoire. He still figures to be a key component in the Braves’ bullpen this season, as well as their clubhouse. Kris Medlen calls him the mayor.
“He’s the guy who shows up every day, shaking people’s hand — that crazy firm handshake that he has,” Medlen said. “He’s the same guy every single day, and those are the kind of guys you want in your clubhouse.”
Carpenter has been the kind of guy the media can appreciate, too. He doesn’t refuse interviews or wave off questions about the fateful home run. And he’s found ways to use some of those conversations to his advantage, just as he’s done with those he had with Sutton, Kimbrel, Perez, pitching coach Roger McDowell and other teammates.
In one interview this winter, one of Carpenter’s hometown reporters brought up Hall of Fame closer Dennis Eckersley and the legendary two-run home run he gave up on a stray slider to a Dodger — Kurt Gibson’s walk-off in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series.
“Did you see him fold his tent and never come back around, never be the great pitcher?” Carpenter said. “The guy is unbelievable. That’s a guy you like to model yourself after. You don’t let it beat you. That’s something I’m not going to let happen.”
