How to protect yourself while supporting others
Being the full-time caregiver of a loved one can be a tough job; you have to learn a few tricks to give both the other person and yourself the care you deserve.
I am currently the primary caregiver for a loved one in hospice. It’s pretty much a 24/7 job. I want to be there for her, and I’m going to embrace every moment we have together.
But the truth is I’m also tired.
Daily morning runs to the doctor for injections, trying to find something she’ll eat, cleaning up after her. I’ve become numb to most of it. Being woken at all hours has turned into just napping any chance I get. Getting up before 6 a.m. is not what I signed up for as a writer.
The pressure of watching a loved one die and taking on the task of caring for that individual really means that you are giving up part of your life. You now come second, and while any seasoned caregiver will tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, that rule can get often be overlooked.
It’s important to take a break. Take a moment to pretend you are somewhere else doing whatever suits your fancy. One of the ways I give myself a mini vacation is to imagine being in the south of France, drinking Champagne and laughing.
It also helps to be around other positive people, doing fun things like having dinner. You can ask others to come by and hang out, so you don’t have to leave your loved one. Friends can bring a little love and good energy into the home. Times like these make the process of being a caregiver much easier.
There will be moments when it feels like it’s all too much. You may be approaching burnout. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s really important to take care of yourself, so you can continue taking care of the one who needs you most.
There are support groups for caregivers. You can call your local hospital and ask if they can recommend any in your area. The internet can also be very helpful. You can keep a journal to get your feelings out, or post on Facebook or blog to release some of your stress. Getting positive feedback will help keep you strong.
Remember that you are doing an amazing thing here. You have given up much of your time to care for someone else. It’s a gift to both of you, but it is one that takes a lot of energy, so find ways to get the support you need to keep going.
Whatever happens, the gift you are giving will come back to you. By caring for another, you are being your best self, and the other person is getting the help they deserve.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
