John Waters gives holidays a wicked spin with one-man show

Having a moniker like “The Pope of Trash” takes work. Filmmaker and author John Waters has been earning those twisted stripes for more than 50 years, shocking with schlock and accumulating a cult following in the process.

Yet beneath the devilish grin, pencil-thin mustache and narrow frame, Waters’ heart burns for Christmas with the glow of a yule log. In fact, he spends the holiday season on the road performing his one-man show, “A John Waters Christmas.”

Ironic for sure, coming from the director of “Pink Flamingos,” one of the most notorious midnight movies of all time, and more than a dozen other contorted celluloid creations (“Polyester,” “Hairspray,” et al.), many starring the late drag queen actor Divine.

As expected, Waters stuffs his one-man show stocking with wicked whimsy as only the “King of Bad Taste” could. His monologues pummel the holidays with a candy cane, roasting the proverbial chestnuts with a blazing, politically incorrect wit. Of course, he plants that mischievous tongue firmly in cheek.

In the midst of making his seasonal stops like some sort of sinful Santa, Waters spoke from the road about holiday inspiration, Johnny Mathis’ recent house fire and his appreciation for stolen Christmas gifts.

Q: You’re calling this year’s edition of the show “Holier and Dirtier.” Why is that?

A: I go more into the living creche scene I want to produce called "Scary Mary." I give a trigger warning for anybody religious. On the dirty side, there's always plenty to discuss about sex and Christmas. Is Santa a silver fox now or is he a bear? There are all sorts of new vocabulary that I like to share with you for Christmas.

Q: The holidays and family dysfunction go together like Christmas and eggnog. Any tips on handling it?

A: I talk about it in my show. You're going to have to come. I have two things that work. One is a verbal abuse whistle and another is a secret curse you can put on relatives if they don't stop being abusive.

Q: What do you like most about doing your one-man show?

A: I get to meet my fans all over the country. Usually there's a meet-and-greet or book signing after the show. They get dressed up for me. So I get to see the people who make my life possible. It's like being Santa Claus, but they don't get to sit on my lap because of Ebola.

Q: I can only imagine all of your strange encounters with fans.

A: No, they're not strange. They're very nice, actually. There's a story online that got picked up by the Baltimore Sun. Somebody posted a Craigslist classified and wrote: "You were standing behind me in line to meet John Waters, and you were cute. I'd like to have a date." So people are already online cruising at my show. I'm knocking off Grindr.

Q: I know you were concerned about Johnny Mathis’ house burning down recently.

A: That's proof that there's no karma, because nobody's house deserved to burn down less than Johnny Mathis'. I was in that house and interviewed him for (my book) "Role Models." It was beautiful. You know, he lived in that house for 40 some odd years.

Q: You detest gift cards, because of the lack of imagination. How do you get creative at Christmas?

A: My Christmas card is pretty creative, I think. Each year I design one. One time it was a clear plastic Christmas ball and inside was a plastic roach that people thought was real.

Q: Did you and Divine ever exchange Christmas gifts?

A: Oh, yes. Divine once gave me a beautiful cashmere blanket that he stole. I feel bad to say this, but stolen gifts are sometimes more precious. The blanket was warmer, because it was hot.