Why teen takeovers are no surprise

I admit it. I’m not a “cool mom.”

I don’t wear the right jeans, I use the new slang terms in the wrong way (low-key, I’m no rizzler), and by far the biggest way I lose elusive cool points is that I’ve long told my teens that while they are in my home, they are under what I deem a benevolent dictatorship. Meaning, I try to toe the line of warmth and loving affection while keeping firm boundaries and limits.

Teenage behavior — and, possibly even more importantly, parental behavior — is on display in the recent news in Georgia with teen takeovers and the Colin Gray verdict. Teenagers have wielded guns, inflicted great harm, broken laws, and officials are openly putting parents on the hot seat.

Authority has become a dirty word in the modern parenting lexicon. Parents under the law are laden with the responsibility to have authority over minors in their guardianship. This is what the metro Atlanta law enforcement were referencing when they told parents to “watch your children” at their news conference last week regarding the Atlanta “teen takeovers” where teens are coordinating via social media to block streets, damage property and cause mayhem around the city in recent weeks.

First off, why are teenagers acting out? This is a tale as old as time. Teenage years are boundary-testing, limit-pushing times. The developmental phase, socially, neurologically and physically, leads adolescents to seek autonomy and adhesion to peer groups, which means scrutinizing existing authority structures of their childhood lives. This independence is ultimately a positive step, leading to healthy self-reliance and resolve to “launch” when they reach adulthood.

Beth Collums is an Atlanta-based writer. Her professional background as a child and family therapist and passion for offering support to families gives her a uniquely insightful perspective on the intersection of mental health, relationships and education. (Courtesy)

However, teens are not adults yet. Harvard scientists tell us their brains are awash in change, with 10 times the levels of testosterone for males, drastic changes in serotonin and dopamine impacting arousal sensitivity and mood, changing melatonin levels, altering sleep patterns and physically shifting percentages of white matter vs. gray matter. Their brains, bodies and emotions are in a state of flux. There is an in-between phase of desiring autonomy and actually possessing independent emancipation, which in our country is 18 years old. And thus enter the teen and adult dilemma.

Many poor parenting decisions are made out of deference, fear and exhaustion from their teens’ fight for independence. Parents often throw up their hands and cease to set limits on their adolescent’s behavior in this process. But it doesn’t happen suddenly; it’s usually a slow fade. A slow fade into what sociological researchers call permissive parenting.

What is a permissive parent? Permissive parenting is “a child-rearing style characterized by a lack of strict discipline and minimal expectations for behavior. Parents who adopt this approach are typically nurturing and warm, often emphasizing affection and attention rather than enforcing rules or consequences.”

Parents can be fearful of the negative reactions or volatile emotions of their teenagers and want to avoid conflict at all costs … and sometimes the costs are high.

Unfortunately, we have some local examples of the slow fade into permissive parenting of teens. Want an AR-style rifle for Christmas? Sure. Want to regularly drink alcohol at our house with your friends and then drive away drunk? Yes. Want to be out past curfew, take over streets, block traffic and damage property? Go for it.

Permissive parenting knows no race, income, marital status or education level, as each of these sad recent examples in Georgia illustrates the full range of these.

The irony of the permissive parenting approach is that it emphasizes self-esteem but has been shown to actually create impulsivity, risky teen behaviors such as gambling, increased alcohol use among teenagers, school discipline problems, unhealthy eating habits, poor academic performance, disregard for authority, relational aggression and deviant peer affiliation.

The low expectations placed on kids through permissive parenting promise happy adolescents yet meanwhile deliver low-achieving and anti-social behavior. It hurts kids the most who are already at risk for targeting and victimization.

For instance, it might look cute when little Max is 5, and he won’t take “no” for an answer, demanding his own way at all costs, but when he turns 15, it’s a different story, refusing to attend school regularly and is chronically absent. Fast forward another decade, at 25 years old, and imagine Max in a job or an intimate relationship when he demands his own way and won’t take “no” for an answer. You can see how this pattern of behavior develops for Max.

The permissive style of parenting punishes the child in the long term.

So what can caring adults do about it?