OK, sports gods, you’ve had your fun.
For a half-century, you’ve toyed with the hopes and dreams of Cleveland fans, setting them up just to knock them down. Often in needlessly cruel fashion. The Drive. The Shot. The Fumble. The … OK, we get the picture.
With favorite son LeBron James and the Cavaliers facing the Golden State Warriors in the NBA Finals starting Thursday, now is the perfect time for The Based God, Nike (the Greek goddess, not the company), Jobu and anyone who’s been hating on Cleveland to reverse the curse.
For the first time in 51 years, five months and two weeks – not that anyone’s counting or anything – let the people of Cleveland experience the complete and utter joy that comes with winning a title, of being able to call one of their teams “champion.”
Now, before folks in Chicago start howling about the Cubs, the poster children for futility in sports, yes, there are teams with sorrier or more tortured existences. The Buffalo Bills immediately come to mind. The Florida Panthers have been so historically bad folks outside Miami could be forgiven for forgetting they’re still in existence. San Diego has hosted more Super Bowls than it’s played in, and now its stadium is outdated.
But those are individual franchises. Cleveland is shouldering an entire city’s worth of woe. The Browns, the Cavaliers, the Indians – Cleveland has been down on its luck for so long now that when one of its teams is actually on the verge of something special, fans there instinctively cover their mouths because they know the kick in the teeth is coming.
Should the Cavaliers lose to the Warriors, that misery would be all the more agonizing for the simple fact that the Bay Area’s trophy case is already well stocked.
While Cleveland would give pretty much anything for just one championship, in any sport, the Bay Area is producing titles almost as fast as internet startups. In fact, teams from Oakland, San Francisco and San Jose could have three more by year’s end.
There’s Golden State, of course. In addition to being the defending NBA champions, the Warriors broke the NBA record for single-season wins this year with 73. Steph Curry became the first unanimous winner in picking up league MVP honors for a second year in a row.
A little farther south, the San Jose Sharks are in the Stanley Cup Final, playing for what would be the first title in franchise history. Never mind that their history only dates back to 1991, when Cleveland was already well into its stretch of anni horribiles.
Over in San Francisco, the Giants have the third-best record in baseball. Those would be the same Giants who have won three of the past six World Series titles, and have passed the St. Louis Cardinals for second place on the all-time list of World Series appearances.
Even the Bay Area’s bad teams aren’t as bad as, say, the Browns. Chip Kelly’s arrival has brought intrigue, if not enthusiasm, to the San Francisco 49ers, a team that was in the Super Bowl just four years ago. The Oakland Raiders are on the rise with the tandem of Derek Carr and Amari Cooper, who led all rookie receivers in receptions, yards receiving and TD catches last year.
Not to rub it in, but the Raiders took Carr with the 36th pick in the 2014 draft – 14 spots after the Browns took Johnny Manziel. While Carr is now considered a steal, among the best of the post-Peyton Manning, Tom Brady generation, Manziel is out of football, his life spiraling out of control in a blur of partying and bad behavior.
It might be the most Cleveland thing ever – which is saying something given the last 52 years.
Getting back to the Cavaliers, no one is asking for a dynasty. I’m not sure anyone in Cleveland even remembers what that word means. But a brief reprieve from a half-century of despair seems to be a reasonable request.
Besides, isn't picking on Cleveland getting old after five decades? You'd think the sports gods would want a new punching bag.
Maybe, given the Oklahoma City Thunder meltdown, they've already got one.
