Sometimes it’s good to put aside whatever is bothering you, so you can be present for what you actually need to be doing. This is also known as living in the moment.
There are people who seem to have a natural ability to put their emotional issues into compartments within their heads and hearts, and just deal with those feelings or issues when they need to. But you can also cultivate this skill. Finding a place to retreat within yourself may not be easy, but it can be done.
When you have more than one serious thing going on at a time, it can be very difficult to maintain your focus or serenity. And I am not suggesting you put all your emotions on hold. What you need to learn is the ability, even if just for a moment, to put away the things that are hurting you and gain some perspective. This will also help you cope better.
There may be certain times of day when you have a greater ability to do this.
I like to write in the morning to get my feelings out, and afterward I can focus on other things. Other people have different times and methods. One couple regularly comes to see me at 5 p.m., so they can talk about whatever is going on, put it away, and then go to dinner. The process has worked well for them, but they had to agree on some ground rules and only bring in topics that they are both ready to discuss. (You can always ask your partner for more time if you’re not ready to talk. Simply say, “This really isn’t a good time. Can we talk later, please?” Just be sure to set a time to have the conversation.)
Compartmentalization is not about being in denial. It’s about putting things where they belong and not letting negative thoughts or concerns take over the rest of your life. You can’t just ignore your issues and expect them to go away, but obsessing on them won’t help either.
If you know you are going to talk once a week with your therapist, you may find it relatively easy to set your issues aside for the time being. If you aren’t seeing a therapist, or you just need a break from your thoughts, you can try singing a song in your head until the feelings fade a bit. You can watch a movie you’ve seen before while also tinkering on the computer. Multitasking can make it difficult to think about the negativity in your life. Even doing the dishes is a way to give your thoughts a rest until they can return to the positive.
When something gets stuck in your brain and you find yourself obsessing, you need to clear a path for your mind and body to function properly. If you continue to ruminate, you may damage your physical and mental health. Regardless of your condition or situation, this is something you can do.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of 8 books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person & video consults worldwide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com
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