Mixed feelings filled Alan Doby as he recalls the recent loss of three family members.
There was a sense compassion and relief for his aging father, George A. Doby, 87, who killed himself after fatally shooting his 85-year-old wife, Edna, who suffered from Parkinson’s Disease.
But Alan Doby smoldered with a quiet anger because his autistic son Jacob also was killed that day, July 26, by George Doby’s hand.
“He meant no malice,” Alan Doby said of his father’s actions in his parent’s violent death. “He didn’t want to see her in pain.
“But I don’t understand why he had to take Jacob.”
In a two-week period last month, murder-suicides claimed the lives of two Metro Atlanta couples in their ‘80s.
In both cases, the husband was the caretaker of an ailing wife. And in both cases, the man shot and killed his long-time spouse before turning a gun on himself.
Were these deaths the result of depression, some level of domestic abuse, or were they the actions of a benevolent, merciful spouse?
On July 15, Edward Travis, 86, executed a carefully-thought-out plan to kill himself and his wife of 60 years, 85-year-old Anne, who suffered from dementia.
Edward Travis’ daughter Mary Travis characterized her parent’s death as a “mercy” killing.
“I think he was afraid what was happening to her ... was happening to him,” Mary Travis said.
Experts say assisted suicides among elderly couples aren’t that uncommon, and such arranged agreements are becoming more popular in Europe.
“This is not an unknown phenomenon,” said Wesley J. Smith, a California lawyer, author and advocate for assisted suicides.
“The concept of ‘what is suffering’ becomes pretty expansive, when you accept that suicide is an answer to suffering.”
The Violence and Injury Prevention Program in Tampa Bay, Fla. estimated between 300 and 500 murder-suicide deaths nationally each year of people over the age of 55.
The program, which is part of the Louis de la Parte Florida Mental Health Institute at University of South Florida, has counted 138 elderly murder-suicide deaths in Georgia since 2001, including four this year.
Should anyone be blamed? Could they have been prevented? If so, how?
It’s complicated.
Maggie Beck-Coon, with the Georgia Commission on Family Violence, sees them as one person exerting power over another.
“I’m very troubled by the whole language of ‘mercy killings,’ because I don’t think I feel comfortable with someone else determining when you should die,” said Beck-Coon said.
“If I read these stories independent of one another, they all have complicated lives. That does not excuse murdering someone.”
Dr. Patrice Harris, a psychiatrist and director of Fulton County’s Department of Behavioral Health and Developmental Disabilities, cautions not to rush to judgment, however.
“Often times, when people are thinking about suicide, they are feeling hopeless and helpless and see no way out of their situation,” Harris said.
In particular, Harris said taking care of an ailing spouse late in life can add to the day-to-day stresses many elderly face: losing peers and family to illness and death, retirement, or dealing with one’s own deteriorating health.
Donna Cohen, head of Violence and Injury Prevention in Florida, and an aging and mental health expert said in particular, elderly male caregivers are task-focused and don’t often seek help.
“These are acts driven by profound depression and, especially with men, a sense that there is nothing else they can do,” Cohen said via e-mail.
Relatives of the Travis and Doby couples pointed to this hopelessness.
“He didn’t want to be a burden,” Alan Doby said, speculating the motives of a father he described as proud.
Mary Travis cited a letter from Edward Travis in characterizing his as a “mercy” killing:
“‘I believe that everyone concerned will get along with me and Anne out of the picture,’” she read from the letter.
Smith, who wrote “Forced Exit: Euthanasia, Assisted Suicide and the New Duty to Die” in 2006, questioned the husbands in these murder-suicide cases.
“Where would we be if every time our loved ones became seriously ill, we decided that the proper thing to do would be to kill them,” he said.
But Smith said it’s wrong to question the judge the family left defending the actions of their dead loved ones.
“We don’t want to criticize people we love who have done these things,” he said. “But I don’t think we should accept the message that [killing] was compassionate.”
Reconciling his parent’s death as an act of mercy — considering his son was killed, too — is difficult for Alan Doby.
He said he owes it to his father to try.
“I hope to forgive him,” Alan Doby said.
What can you do to help?
If you suspect a senior relative or loved one is suffering from depression, call:
The Fulton County Department of Behavioral Health and Developmental Disabilities Hotline
404-730-0230
or the Georgia Crisis and Access Line
1-800-715-4225
If you suspect domestic violence, call the Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-33-HAVEN (1-800-334-2836)
