As if the I-85 collapse, I-75 shutdown and I-20 buckling in metro Atlanta weren't bad enough, here's a real frying pan to the face.
Alabama is making fun of us.
That's right. Alabama, where just last week former Gov. Robert Bentley literally went from running the state to being in state custody on the same day; where a Crimson Tide fan got so mad about Auburn's victory in the 2010 Iron Bowl that he poisoned the oaks at Toomer's Corner; and where (no kidding) it's illegal to wear a fake mustache to church to make people laugh.
Yet Alabama is chuckling over the pitiful state of our roads.
Not that we didn't have it coming. A chunk of I-85 is gone after a fire ignited a huge pile of materials underneath the heavily traveled roadway. Our state DOT thought that was a good place to store stuff.
"It does not ignite," Georgia Department of Transportation Commissioner Russell R. McMurry said during a news conference shortly after the disaster. "It is a high-density plastic that is not combustible."
Um. It kind of is.
The latest traffic snag was the one most likely to impact our neighbors to the west, since I-20 goes to Alabama, so maybe that's what prompted this withering slight: "Bless Atlanta's heart."
Lawd. That's what you say when someone brings store-bought potato salad to Sunday dinner. Or makes change in the offering plate. Or fails to pull over to let a funeral procession pass.
It's one thing when The New York Times clucks over our permanent gridlock noting, "Atlanta is a city of cars, cars and cars" or when "Saturday Night Live" mocks our sorry winter storm response (remember the "Buford Callaway" appearance in 2014 after two inches of ice paralyzed us for days?)
But dang, now we're getting it from our cousins next door. AL.com, the leading media outlet in Alabama, blessed our hearts in a social media post that was quickly shared nearly 5,000 times. Comments go like this: "I'd go 500 miles around the ATL to keep from driving on their raggedy a- roads!" (Jean Murphy) and "They can't get it together!" (Megan Werner).
For those of you who are new to the South, getting our hearts blessed is about like someone saying, "Y'all don't have the sense to come in out of the rain, do you?"
I mean, it's not like metro Atlanta has failed to embrace regional transit as every developer and her cousin slap together a new mixed-use development or anything. Not like our Major League Baseball team just moved to a new suburban location with scant public transportation options, or anything.
At least AL.com commenter Kimberly Bell posted that I-20 "looks like the devil is trying to escape from hell."
She makes a good point, and we hope some folks will keep us in their prayers instead of just hooting at our woes.
After all, I-75 was cleaned up in a hurry, the overnight fix to I-20 was a near miracle and MARTA ridership is up as motorists seek alternatives. Here's hoping the I-85 repairs continue apace.
And here's hoping a bunch of us will be able to run down to the Gulf Coast for one of Alabama's most cherished traditions: the annual Flora-Bama Mullet Toss, coming up April 28-30. That's where people hurl a mullet as far as they can over the state line from Perdido Key, Fla. to Orange Beach, Ala.
The weekend, featuring the Mullet Man Triathlon, the Miss Mullet Toss pageant and such, raises money for worthy charities and is always a fun family event. (Details are at florabama.com.) So, Alabama, we won't sniff about how Georgia has The Masters, golf's swankest affair, and y'all have people throwing dead fish at you.
We'll just say bless your hearts.
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