By its nature, job search is a disappointing process. Unless you’re quite lucky, you’ll not get most interviews and offers you go for. Nor will most of your efforts produce a job — which means you’ll frequently be disappointed during your transition to new work.
Since that’s the case, learning to deal with disappointment needs to rank high on your to-do list. From my conversations with job seekers, I can share that there are (at least) two distinct processes for managing disappointment: the mental game and the actions you take. Both are important for building resiliency in your approach to job search.
Managing the mental / emotional aspects
Don’t let the negative aspects of your search overshadow your successes. For example, when you discover you’ve lost an offer to another candidate, congratulate yourself on being the runner-up. That’s a significant achievement and it tells you things are on the right track in your search.
Don’t generalize from a few (or even many) turndowns that “nobody” will hire you, or “all the jobs” are going to other candidates. Besides being inaccurate, hopeless thinking tends to generate hopeless process, which creates its own self-fulfilling prophecy.
Balance your day with enjoyable and stress-reducing experiences. Even a short walk outdoors or a half-hour watching a comedy can be antidotes to the stress of job search.
Surround yourself with positive people and positive stories.
Channel your emotions into something productive. Strategy, determination and a desire to prove others wrong in their judgment of you … these are more fruitful responses than self-pity, anger or self-recrimination.
Taking action
And now for some action steps to help you respond to three of the most common disappointments experienced by job seekers.
1. When a networking connection, or even a friend, fails to help you. You already know that different people have different strengths. If you’re becoming aware that particular friends or contacts are not particularly intuitive or proactive, there’s no point in dwelling on a sense of being let down by them. Instead, determine what, exactly, you’d like them to do and find a way to make this request.
For example, “George, I have appreciated your willingness to help me with my search. I don’t want to lean too heavily on any one person, so I’m wondering if you would agree to introduce me to two or three of your contacts. I know you interact with people at … .”
2. When a position is closed before you can apply, or you apply but don’t get an interview. If you are quite interested in the position, send a communication (by email or regular post) with your resume that says, “I was excited about this opening but sorry not to have (seen it in time, been selected, etc.). If you find that you need to fill more than one position, or if you’d like another candidate to round out your process, I’d be very interested in meeting with you.”
3. When the job is offered to someone else. If you’ve been interviewed but not selected, your disappointment is likely keen. Nevertheless, a gracious note after the fact can yield surprising rewards. The psychic reward is one of having had the last word while acting professionally. The strategic reward might come later if the first candidate doesn’t work out.
Here’s how that note might be worded: “It was a true pleasure meeting with you and your team to discuss the ______ opening. Of course I was sorry not to have been selected for the position, but I wanted you to know how impressed I am with your company. I would welcome another conversation if you have another opening to fill. Best wishes … .”
Perhaps the best advice I can offer is a blend of action and attitude. Build a pattern of modest but consistent daily outreach, to both employers and contacts. The more leads you’re following, the less impact any one refusal will have. And if things do start to feel overwhelming, seek help, whether that’s from a spiritual adviser, therapist or career counselor.
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