According to legend, my second favorite source after the bestseller, "Confessions Of A Maligned Offensive Coordinator," -- Chapter 1: "I was a legend on Mulberry Street back home, but I quickly learned that a down-and-out to the Chevy and a jet sweep on fourth-and-1 don't work in the NFL. Hey, look! Running backs! When did they get here?" -- Halloween dates to more than 2,000 years ago, when the Celts commemorated the end of the harvest and the beginning of a cold miserable winter when an evil Lilliputian named Nick O'Saban would run around kicking everybody in the shins, recruit their cows, steal their shovels and come back the following year and win another 4H Club championship.
The reason everybody dresses in scary costumes on Halloween is because it's the time of year when the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead is most blurred, allowing ghosts to roam free, Bobby Petrino to claim absolution and get hired for another job, jet sweeps to get called on fourth-and-1, Jerry Jones to threaten to bench any player who exercises his First Amendment rights while continuing to sign, draft and employ felons and, worst of all, half the underworld renewing their season-ticket for the Georgia-Florida game and packing the Winnebago for Jacksonville.
Because, mayhem.
When the Golden Nugget casino in Las Vegas posted odds on this game in June, Florida was listed as a one-point favorite. Then the line shifted slightly. To Georgia by 14.
In a related story, the original sports-book operator at the Golden Nugget now works at a factory that puts those colorful little curly cellophane strips on the end of deli toothpicks.
The Bulldogs have settled in as 13½-point favorites. As we near Halloween again, why do I expect Carrie's hand to punch through the field from way-way-way down south and pull Kirby Smart, Nick Chubb and Uga, too -- Uga too! -- down to the pits of hell. Or Alabama. Same difference.
Georgia hasn't beaten Florida by at least 13½ points in 20 years (37-17 in 1997). Actually, the Dogs have beaten Florida only six times in the past 27.
Sometimes, they were expected to lose. Sometimes, they weren't. In 2014, they were favored by 12, but lost by 18 (38-20). Florida rushed for 418 yards, give or take a flattened "5-star" recruit.
Everything says Georgia wins this game. Better players, better resume, more to play for. Everything screams rout. Except for the fact that Boris Karloff always seems to show up for the opening coin flip.
I'm sure the line is a trick. Always is. But facts scream Georgia wins. Closing my eyes: Dogs cover 13½.
(Add fries and seven credit hours from North Carolina for 79 cents)
Georgia Tech at Clemson: Paul Johnson ruined Dabo Swinney's morning Cocoa Puffs more than once. But Clemson is coming off a bye and a loss to Syracuse. Bad things, man. Tigers win, but take Tech and 14.
Tennessee at Kentucky: Tennessee running back John Kelly and a teammate were busted for marijuana. I'm guessing sobriety and Tennessee football don't pair well these days. Cats cover 5½.
Louisville at Wake Forest: Disposed Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich is considering suing the school, ostensibly to reclaim millions in his contract and a handful of souls that he left in his top desk drawer. The next hearing is scheduled for two weeks in the courtroom of Judge Mephistopheles. Cardinals cover 3.
Miami at North Carolina: We've come a long way in college football when Miami players can mock the academics of North Carolina players. Hurricanes win and cover 20.
N.C. State at Notre Dame: To everybody who thinks Notre Dame winning out would give it a better resume than Georgia: How do you rationalize losing at home to Georgia against a freshman quarterback making his first start? Fighting Irish win, but give me the Wolfpack and 7.
Arkansas at Ole Miss: The first 5,000 fans from either school will get a job interview and a chance to coach either team in the second half. Actual factual: The Razorbacks have allowed 191 points in four SEC games (47.7 per). Maybe the Falcons can practice against them. Rebels cover 3½.
Florida State at Boston College: The Seminoles (2-4) are in danger of not going to a bowl game for the first time since 1991 and one fan yelled at coach Jimbo Fisher as he left the field last week, "New Coaches! New Coaches!" prompting Fisher's response: "Bring your (expletive) down here and say that!" This will be the only thing Boston College has to laugh about all week. FSU covers 3½.
Falcons at N.Y. Jets: Sports Illustrated quoted two "anonymous" Falcons saying offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian's approach has been "disorganized." Sarkisian's surprised. These plays always worked against Washington State. Look out! Jet sweep! Falcons cover 4½.
Browns vs. Vikings (England): The Browns will play their next game in a rugby stadium outside of London. The good news is, this should kill all thoughts of league expansion into England. Minnesota covers 9½.
Panthers at Buccaneers: Aaron Rodgers has 13 screws in his collarbone. Cam Newton has one loose in his head. This week he walked out of a news conference because the question wasn't, "Cam. You're awesome. Can I make you a sandwich?" But take the 2 points and Carolina in a mild upset.
49ers at Eagles: Kyle Shanahan is 0-7 as a head coach, but San Francisco announced it has added organic chicken to the stadium menu. Question: Can the chicken can run a pass route? Also, and I'm not making this up, the organization's marketing knuckleheads asked fans in a questionnaire, "In terms of game-day experience, how important is it that your team wins?" (Credit: San Francisco's Chronicle's Ann Killion.) Bill Walsh is about to send a few lightning bolts down from the heavens. Eagles cover 12½.
Bears at Saints: New Orleans has won four consecutive, more evidence that this league has really gone downhill. Saints cover 9.
Chargers at Patriots: Dont'a Hightower is out for the season with a torn pectoral. Too late for Devonta Freeman. Pats cover 7½.
Toteboard
"Show me a gambler and I'll show you a loser." -- Mario Puzo
Last week: 12-3 straight up, 7-8 against the spreadables.
Through eight weeks: 82-25 straight up, 56-49-2 against the spread.
Sack Schultz 2017: I went 12-3 in contest picks last week, but the big winner was Alissa Kelly of Rincon, Ga., who went 15-0! It's still jammed at the top for the $2,500 Apple Vacation grand prize. More info at AJC.com/sackschultz2017.
Lilly's pick: Lilly nailed the New England pick. Show off. Mutt's 5-2 and this week demanded brie. We compromised with provolone. This week, her choices were cheese'd pictures of Florida mascot Albert The Alligator (left) and Uga X (right). No hesitation. Lilly went right. Dogs win.
Click here for a fresh, "We Never Played The Game" podcast
Subscribe to the, “We Never Played The Game” podcast with the AJC's Jeff Schultz and WSB’s Zach Klein on iTunes or on the new AJC sports podcasts page.
- Vince Dooley sees another championship in Georgia's future
- Vince Dooley podcast (audio): UGA has good chance to win title
- Falcons get drilled, problems far worse than Super Bowl hangover
- Steve Sarkisian knows Falcons' offense needs better production
- Weekend Predictions: Because it makes no sense, Falcons beat Pats
- Evander Holyfield to be honored with statue in Atlanta
- Budenholzer on changes: 'Coaching is most important thing I've done'
- Falcons dispute 'choker' label but late-game fizzles are a concern
- Overreaction Monday: Book therapy for 'Brotherhood,' parade for Dogs
- Georgia Tech, Johnson let another one slip away in loss to Miami, Richt
- North Carolina skates and NCAA's uselessness is confirmed (again)
- Weekend Predictions: Parlay: NCAA over Auburn, Johnson over Richt
- If Braves serious about cleaning up mess, they'll make changes at top
- Overreaction Monday: Dogs No. 4 -- they're in playoffs! (Not really)
- It's clear: Georgia (6-0) is really good and quarterback situation is settled
- Weekend Predictions: Georgia (Carrie) gets homecoming revenge
- Braves keep Snitker, because they don't need another inferno now
- John Coppolella never grew into job and damaged Braves need leadership
- John Coppolella resigns and Braves look like they're in disarray
- Overreaction Monday: Next two weeks will be telling for Georgia QBs
- Georgia has another lopsided win, and this team looks like real deal
- Arthur Blank, Falcons to have open discussion on race, protests
About the Author