How do you want this next season to feel?

I feel like I’m on autopilot. Every day I go through the motions of going to work, going to the gym, scrolling on my phone, going to bed and waking up to do it all over again the next day. I just feel like there has to be more. But whenever I think about this new life I desire, I get stuck.

I suspect that many people will relate to this experience and may even see themselves in a similar situation. So much of our socialization leaves us feeling like life is a series of boxes to be checked.

Get a good job. Check.

Find good friends. Check.

Having a sense of accomplishment is, of course, a great thing, but the downside of a checked box existence is that it doesn’t always leave room for imagination and can leave us in a perpetual state of “what’s next.”

As I read your letter, one of the first things that stood out to me was your experience of feeling guilty for not being content with the good life you have. Who said you had to be?

When I hear phrases like this, it’s often an indicator that somebody else’s voice or expectations are louder than your own.

I wonder if at some point in life you got the message that desiring more was a bad thing, maybe told to be grateful for what you had? Gratitude and expansion can coexist. Being grateful for what you have does not preclude you from wanting more.

If you’re feeling this way, the first thing I would suggest is to consider what you need to unlearn to meet this next phase of your life. What kinds of limiting beliefs like “I already have enough” or “things could be much worse” do you need to let go of to make space for how large your imagination might get?

Next, I’d invite you to think about what additional support you may need to help you meet this next season of your life. Is there a hobby you’ve always been curious about but haven’t had the time or courage to try? Who can you talk to to begin exploring it? Is there a trip you’ve been itching to take but have felt too overwhelmed to figure out the logistics?

Feelings of “stuckness” often require us to shake things up to get momentum going, so be as experimental, playful and curious as you can over the next three months and see where it leads you.

Third, I’d encourage you to think about what you might need to grieve as you step into this next phase. Sometimes we are stuck not because of what’s next but because we’re afraid to give up what’s familiar. Could that be the case for you? Are there relationships you fear won’t continue if you reach for more? Will you have to stretch your beliefs about what you’re capable of to meet this new you? What fears might be holding you back at this moment?

Finally, I want to share something that I often share with clients in therapy. When a client in my practice expresses feeling stuck, I will often ask what we therapists call “the magic question”: If you woke up tomorrow morning and your life was better, how would you know?

It’s a simple question designed to help visualize what “better” looks like specifically and to help reverse-engineer what steps need to be taken to get there.

So, how would you answer this question? What in your environment would be different, and how would you expect to feel? Who would be there? Would you be living in the same place or somewhere different? Get really specific with your descriptions and then see if any themes emerge.

Typically, this exercise makes space for the things we secretly desire but haven’t yet felt comfortable enough to pursue. I hope it does the same for you.

This column is designed to be educational and informational only and should not be interpreted as medical advice. It is not a substitute for seeking the support of a licensed mental health or medical professional.