How to handle your last back-to-school season

For many Georgia families, the new school year is already underway. This season is filled with last minute shopping, new routines and the painstaking transition from being up all night to early morning alarms once again.

The hustle and bustle of it all, while often exhausting, is also familiar. We fall into a beat the same time every year.

Then, one day, it all stops.

After 13-plus years of the same song and dance, you’ve entered your last back-to-school season. If this describes your current reality, you’re likely experiencing a bevy of emotions as you prepare for your young person to leave home. Terror, excitement, sadness and pride may be among them — and those feelings are valid.

Whether your child has already moved into a dorm or simply started their final school year, remember that you’re also getting yourself ready for this next phase of life, too. While it may be a time of excitement, it can also be a difficult transition. Here are a few gentle reminders to help ground you when things begin to feel a little shaky.

They don’t really hate you. If your child seems more argumentative or irritable than usual, you’re not alone. It’s not uncommon for disagreements to become more frequent as they prepare for this next chapter. While you may recognize your own mix of emotions, sometimes young people don’t recognize or have the language to describe theirs.

They’re likely thrilled for what’s next but also probably a little afraid and worried. The sadness they may be feeling about leaving home doesn’t always feel OK to share, so instead they may create distance by being more prickly than usual. This is typically not a conscious thing, but that may not help you feel better in the moments when this happens.

Try to be patient with their shifting moods and give them the space to share any worries they may be having.

You’ve prepared them better than you think. The process of launching your young person into early adulthood is often one filled with lots of anxiety. Will they be OK living alone in a new city? Will someone be there if they get sick in the middle of the night? What if it’s not easy for them to make new friends? All completely valid questions and all questions that they are perfectly capable of finding answers to.

All of the lessons disguised as experiences that you’ve created over the course of their lives will eventually kick in. You did a good job. They were listening and internalizing those lessons more than you know.

As you enter this next phase, it’s also important to resist the temptation to rush in and fix all the problems they encounter. You can, of course, always be a sounding board but it’s important for them to practice those skills you’ve taught them to be resourceful and find solutions on their own.

Communication will look different and that’s OK. One of the biggest shifts that parents experience after their child has left the home is the drastic change in communication patterns. Even if they don’t share much, you’re probably used to staying relatively connected to what’s going on in their lives simply by virtue of them being in your home. Once they leave, that all changes.

They’ll be on a new schedule, meeting new people, and dropping everything to check in won’t likely be at the top of their minds. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to share news with you or that they’re trying to cut you out, it is simply a demonstration of them doing exactly what they should be doing at this stage: continuing to develop independence and create their place in this world.

Instead of anxiously texting every hour or laying on a guilt trip, try finding a consistent time to check in every week. This will give you a little insight into the new life they’re building and will also allow them to exercise their boundaries around time and priorities.

The tears will stop. I promise. My dad loves to poke fun at my mom by telling the story of how she cried for a solid hour after they dropped me off to college the first year. While it’s a story we can laugh about now, it wasn’t at all funny to hear then.

I’ve heard this same sentiment from many other parents, that they are worried the tears won’t ever stop and they’ll be sad forever after their child leaves. I’ll be honest with you — it will likely hurt a lot. But, eventually, you will be fine.

They’ll call and tell you how much fun they had at that first college football game or how cool it was when they saw some international landmark and you’ll realize that they’re adjusting and doing fine. It might not be immediate and there may be some homesickness, but everyone will get used to this new normal.

You’ll discover new ways to spend your time, look forward to hearing about their adventures and embrace the new relationship that’s been unlocked.

This column is designed to be educational and informational only and should not be interpreted as medical advice. It is not a substitute for seeking the support of a licensed mental health or medical professional.