Online dating has come a long, long way since its inception (I’m looking at you Match.com… which came out in the mid-90s!).
The online dating sites have evolved significantly, offering new features designed with the hope of improving people’s experiences and leading to more, and better, connections. Despite all that, many people find online dating worse today than before.
Why?
Part of it comes from the sheer popularity of the dating apps. Whereas there used to be a stigma (“Ew, you’re on eHarmony?!), everyone single is now on a dating app (“How could you not be on Hinge?!”), so the challenges of navigating such a saturated space become noticeable.
The evolution of online dating
When online dating first started, it was a novel concept for those willing to experiment with new technology, like me.
I dabbled in online dating starting in 2001, first using JDate and then moving on to OkCupid when that launched in 2003. The platforms—the dating sites/apps themselves—keep improving and adapting to the times, incorporating algorithms, video features, and, more recently, AI (which I have mixed feelings about in this setting).
But, with more widespread use comes more people. And with more people, and more anonymity, comes worse behavior—ghosting, breadcrumbing, etc. So, it’s not that the apps are inherently harder to use or less effective; rather, it’s that when a space gets so packed, it’s both hard to stand out and harder to weed through everyone.
Basically, the likelihood of encountering bad behavior or feeling overwhelmed increases exponentially.
Struggles in the current online dating landscape
One of the biggest struggles my clients complain about is people not communicating—their intentions, their desires, their interest, their lack of interest. With so much technology available to us, it’s easy to hide behind a screen when an in-person conversation would be much more appropriate. Sadly, this avoidance behavior has become a hallmark of modern dating culture.
And, of course, people struggle with writing their profile and knowing how to effectively use the apps to get the results they want—dates. And ultimately, a relationship.