Job Strategies: Family issues and job search

Professionals in geriatric services know that issues related to older family members will often surface during the holidays, particularly if those elders live on their own.

That’s when adult children home for a visit may suddenly notice their parents’ struggles. Thus, what sounded like fatigue on the phone may look like downright frailty in person. All at once, the question arises in whispered conversations, “Is Mom all right to stay here on her own?”

This may seem like a strange topic for a careers column except that many of my job search clients have found themselves in the delicate position of seeking work while also caring for aging parents. Others have counted their blessings for layoffs that happened just as a parent needed help, while still others have quit jobs to deal with a parent’s crisis.

If you are one of these unemployed caretakers, you may have mixed emotions about the situation. On the one hand, it’s good that you have the time to help your parents, but on the other hand, is it possible that helping your parents is hurting your prospects of finding a job?

Yes, it is possible. I’m seeing it every week with my clients, so I can only imagine the problem goes much deeper than I know. Here are some of the effects on adult children when the issues of unemployment and elder care collide:

• Uncertainty in choosing a new career. If your parent needs help, should you really take work that requires travel or extra hours? In some cases, saying no to these options means turning down career-building paths in favor of work that is easier to step away from.

• Unwillingness to take training that may tie up finances. Knowing that you may be called upon to help a parent financially can call into question the wisdom of taking on student debt.

• Inability to relocate more than a few hours by car or plane from your parent.

• Difficulty focusing on job search. Countless clients have told me they have trouble gaining momentum in job search when their days are punctuated with care-taking duties. They feel more like on-call assistants than job seekers, and the productivity of the search reflects that reality.

I’m touched and happy to report that very few of the people I talk to resent these extra duties or talk about wanting to shirk them. Even so, as a career counselor, I notice the heavy toll this care-taking exacts on a career, particularly for an unemployed worker whose job search is affected.

The following tips may not be very comprehensive in light of such a complex dilemma, but if you are an adult caretaker who needs to complete a job search, they may help.

1. Don't assume you're the best/only person to help. Yes, you may be conveniently unemployed right now, but how is that a qualification? Ask yourself: If I were working full time or living far away, how would I deal with this?
2. List all possible sources of help, including other family members. Too often, the sibling who is nearest -- or the one without a job -- is the one expected to step in. This person may even move in with the elderly parent, prompting other siblings to reason, "Well, free rent is a good exchange for helping Dad." If this is happening to you, remember that you'll get the most help if you ask for it.
3. Think realistically about your own limits. How many hours a week can you take away from job search? Or how many hours is your personal limit? Once you have that number, focus on problem-solving to fill in the gaps in the care your parents need.
4. Consider dropping job search altogether for now. Of course you can't afford that. But if the effective result of not focusing on your search will be a year of unemployment, how is that different from deciding to stay home for the year to focus on your parents? My basic rule of job hunting applies here: Either search wholeheartedly or don't search at all, but don't do half a search and then blame the market (or your care-taking duties) for your unemployment.