Nick Saban, pick up the phone!
You too, Jimbo Fisher, Urban Meyer, Jim McElwain, Dabo Swinney and any other football coach whose livelihood depends on impressing 17-year-old boys.
Y'all are starting to fall behind that looney tune from Michigan named Jim Harbaugh. He just raised the stakes again in his one-man insurrection on recruiting customs.
There have satellite camps, Signing Day galas and spring break trips. My guess is Bear Bryant never took the Junction Boys on a Roman holiday.
Harbaugh huddled with Pope Francis on the Wolverines' latest junket abroad. As far we know, he did not ask the pontiff to be an honorary captain this fall.
He lined up Michael Jordan and Tom Brady to do the honors last season for one game each. And he'd already secured an honorary-captain commitment from Usher for next season.
(Note to Saban: Usher is a recording star with about 4.28 billion Twitter and Instagram followers).
(Note II to Saban: Twitter and Instagram are popular platforms on "social media," which dominates the life of every American under the age of 25).
And just when we thought Harbaugh might take a five-minute break from dictating college-football's offseason conversation, he announced his next honorary-captain targets.
Barack and Michelle Obama, come on down to Ann Arbor!
"We're making those asks official asks," Harbaugh said on Saturday. "In the process of making an official ask, there's been, 'Hey, we'd like you to do it.' And now we're doing official asks."
There's no official answer yet. Harbaugh met with them last week in Washington D.C., and said he spent "39 wonderful minutes" with Obama. To which Republicans would say, "It must have been a 12-hour meeting."
Harbaugh insists there is nothing political about this. He also met with former Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole last week, though there's been no mention of the ex-Kansas senator tossing any ceremonial coins before a Michigan game this fall.
My guess is that's because to most recruits, Dole might as well Rutherford B. Hayes. Much of Harbaugh's target audience is second only to any MSNBC hosts in its admiration of all things Obama.
An ex-president is beyond A List material, even if he throws like Andrea Mitchell. (To be fair, for all I know Andrea Mitchell has a 94-mph fastball. But I doubt it).
Meanwhile in Tallahassee, FSU announced Fred R. Blankenship will be honorary captain for the Miami game.
I think I'm kidding, since I don't know who Fred R. Blankenship is. That would make him a fine honorary captain candidate at most schools.
They typically trot out ex-players, coaches and grounds crew superintendents as honorary captains, assuming they bother with them at all.
I doubt Joe Five-Star would base his decision on which school has the best lineup of honorary captains, but every little bit helps in the recruiting wars.
It's just one more way to create buzz for your program, and Harbaugh is all about the buzz.
What would leave a bigger impression after a recruiting visit, seeing 90,000 people cheer Tom Hanks as he is handed a ceremonial coin, or 90,000 people turn to each other and ask, "Who's Fred Blankenship?"
Speaking of Hanks, voila!
He actually has Alabama ties and Saban probably has even heard of Forrest Gump. So Hanks would be a natural for a Crimson Tide game.
If I'm Hugh Freeze, I'm doing my darndest to line up George W. Bush in hopes he'll issue a retroactive presidential pardon for any NCAA violations. Among others whose agents I'd be calling if I were a coach:
Beyonce, The Rock, Taylor Swift, Prince William, Rihana.
But rival coaches better move fast. Knowing Harbaugh he already has unofficially asked everyone on that list to be an honorary Wolverine.
We can only hope Meyer sees the obvious counter move to make. It's Nov. 25, high noon at Michigan Stadium.
The Wolverines trot out honorary captain Barack H. Obama. The Buckeyes counter with honorary captain Donald J. Trump.
You want buzz? That would be yuuuuge.
About the Author
