We here at Weekend Predictions consider it our mission not only to disseminate sage financial advice -- except in those times when sage turns into a slightly less palatable plant form like hemlock, and often appears in the form of words like, “Dogs win and cover 2-1/2 at Auburn, and why is my dog laughing at me?” -- but to offer suggestions about how sports can be better.
So here it is: selective amnesia.
Every team gets to throw out the high and the low every season.
Georgia had its arms ripped off at Auburn? Funny. I can’t remember. Clemson lost to Syracuse? Doesn’t ring a bell. Oklahoma has forgotten about that loss to Iowa State. Notre Dame never got on the plane to Miami. Wisconsin doesn’t have a loss to forget, but it can forget it’s in the Big Ten, which is fine because everybody else thinks they’re in the Missouri Valley Conference, anyway. Big showdown this week against North Dakota State.
Think of how awesome the final weeks of the college football season would be right now with so many undefeated and one-loss teams if everybody could just scream one time: “Mulligan!”
“Sir, did your team take a 7-0 lead over Auburn and then get outscored 40-10?”
“Nope. Wasn’t us. We weren’t anywhere near Auburn. Or in that meeting with the Russians. I can’t recall. I have no idea. I’ve racked my brain. I don’t know. I’m trying to remember. I have no recollection.”
Seems to work in Washington.
There’s only one creature in the state of Georgia gloating this week: Lilly. My dog. She’s on a roll with five consecutive wins, including correctly picking the Auburn game. This week, she has demanded a carving station for dinner three times and a floor covered with goose down pillows. I obliged it and, as usual, expensed it under, “Breakfast in Knoxville: $946.23.”
So welcome to Selective Amnesia Week, Georgia: Your soft landing spot on the equivalent of a goose down pillow: a home game against Kentucky.
Assuming the Bulldogs have had a successful week of therapy, this shouldn’t be a problem. Kentucky is getting 21 in Wiseguy Land. I’ll give it. What could POSSIBLY go wrong, right? (I’m not looking up.)
Dogs win and cover.
About my Georgia pick last week
The Week Before The Week That Matters
Georgia Tech at Duke: The Jackets upset Virginia Tech for their first win over a ranked team this season, but they were able to do so only because of an 80-yard touchdown pass. Paul Johnson feels so conflicted. This is what it was like the first time Chef Boyardee went out to restaurant. Tech covers 6.
LSU at Tennessee: Butch Jones was fired only after a 50-17 loss to Missouri, so really in that sense he got off easy. Tennessee again is shooting high in the job search and plans to reach out to Saban and Belichick, as well as the ghost of Knute and the Bear via Ouija board, to gauge their interest, but likely will end up with Fred, a nice guy who runs a bait-and-tackle shop just outside of Tullahoma and coaches his church team. Actually, he's more like the scorekeeper. Whatever. LSU wins, but take the remains of the Volunteers and 15-1/2.
Is that you, Bear?
Mercer at Alabama: Alabama scheduled Mercer because Tennessee was busy this week. But seriously: Mercer? An FCS opponent? This is when administrators give speeches like, "It'll be a great experience for the kids. Besides, we're making $600,000 for this trip. I'll be up here eating chicken salad." Tide covers 40-1/2.
Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn: Louisiana-Monroe's best hope is that Auburn is tired from all that open-field running last week. Tigers cover 36-1/2.
Virginia at Miami: Mark Richt is 9-0, ranked No. 3 and looking down on most of the college football world, including Georgia. This Bulldogs nightmare has been brought to you by Charlie Brown, who maintains hope that Lucy will let him kick the ball just once. Hurricanes cover 19.
A Georgia metaphor
The Citadel at Clemson: I think it would be really funny if The Citadel players arrived at the stadium in tanks instead of a team bus. Probably would give them half a chance, too. Clemson covers 47.
Pitt at Virginia Tech: The Panthers need to win their final two games over Virginia Tech and Miami to become bowl eligible. The only problem is they've already played Rice and Youngstown State. Hokies cover 15.
Mississippi State at Arkansas: Dan Mullen has a chance to win eight or more games for the fifth time in nine seasons in Starkville, which equates to 11-plus wins on this side of the dirt. MSU covers 11-1/2.
Monmouth at Kennesaw State: "Big Boi on the left. Andre's my right. Tight like Hallways. Smoked out always. Hootie hoooooooooo." That's how I roll. I played Outkast at my Bar Mitzvah. The Owls (9-1) can win the Big South title and clinch a FCS playoff berth with a victory. Hootie-hoo knew? KSU wins and covers 6-1/2.
No cleansed Outkast version so...
NFL Six-Pack
Falcons at Seahawks: Adrian Clayborn had six sacks, forced two fumbles and recovered a fumble against Dallas, but he did not fix the roof at Mercedes-Benz Stadium because, my God man, he's only human. A turning point for these birds? Maybe. Seattle's defense is beat up. Take the 2-1/2 and Falcons in a straight upset.
Eagles at Cowboys: Dallas running back Ezekiel Elliott has decided to accept his six-game suspension, and not coincidentally the Cowboys' Super Bowl odds fell from 16-1 to 33-1 in a week, pending imminent scouting trips to Leavenworth. Philly covers 4 on the road.
Rams at Vikings: Sean McVay is the NFL coach of the year, the Rams are 7-2, and with any luck, one day somebody in Los Angeles will show up for a game. Actual factual: Rams are 4-0 on the road. Take the 2 and L.A. in a straight upset.
Chiefs at Giants: It's difficult to know if Ben McAdoo is just a really bad head coach because his players look like the characters from a boneless chicken ranch. (Thank you, Gary Larson). Chiefs cover 10-1/2.
New York Boneless Chickens
Native Americans at Saints: New Orleans has won seven consecutive. No, I can't explain it, either. Make it eight, but take Washington and 8.
Jaguars at Browns: Cleveland is 0-9 this season and 4-37 since 2015. Here's the problem. People ran out of Browns jokes seven weeks ago. Jaguars win and cover 8.
Lilly The Greek
I can’t begin to understand Lilly’s powers. She has won five consecutive to improve to 8-2 after nailing the Auburn win. This week: cheese’d pictures of Russell Wilson (left) and Matt Ryan (right). Lilly sniffed Ryan’s picture, then went left. Seahawks win.
Accountability scorecard
"Since humans have existed, they have gambled away their fortunes, and it’s probably the fate of man to continue gambling so long as there is anything left to bet on.”
Last week (dreadful): 10-5 straight up, 4-8-3 against the spread.
Through 11 weeks: 113-37 straight up, 72-72-7 against the spread.
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