When the Cubs' Kris Bryant went 5-for-5 the other night _ three homers and two doubles _ he had a batting average of 351.
Feet, that is.
The homers went 403, 444 and 410 feet, the doubles 201 and 298.
Sports quiz
Pats receiver Danny Amendola told ESPN that ultracompetitive QB Tom Brady once broke a Ping-Pong paddle during a locker-room friendly because:
a) Amendola was beating him.
b) Brady couldn't figure out how to let some air out of the ball.
Paging Dean Wormer
The NFL has suspended party-boy QB Johnny Manziel _ who'll be lucky if he ever gets on a field again _ for the first four games of the 2016 season for violating the substance-abuse policy.
So what'll they come up with next for a punishment _ double-secret probation?
Fuming in Paris
Tour de France officials plan to utilize thermal cameras to detect so-called "mechanical doping" _ as in hidden motors in bike frames.
Hey, don't laugh: It was either that or emissions testing.
Circle the date
Dateline Cleveland, Oct. 1: Indians vow to finally end the city's four-month championship drought.
Grunt work
Suspended tennis star Maria Sharapova is taking part in a two-week program at Harvard Business School.
Though classmates say hearing a loud grunt in the middle of a pop quiz certainly takes some getting used to.
Quote marks
_Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the death of Tennessee coaching icon Pat Summitt: "If they didn't have a women's basketball team in heaven, they do now. And practice starts tomorrow at 9 a.m., sharp."
_TBS's Conan O'Brien, on why President Obama wants to be an NBA owner: "It's his only chance to get someone on the court."
_Headline at TheKicker.com: "Messi retires from soccer to miss crucial field goals for Jets."
_RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after the Broncos waived punter William Johnson just months after signing him: "I'm guessing there wasn't enough good Will punting."
Dog days of swimmer
Therapy dogs have been brought in to help relax participants at the Olympic swim trials in Omaha, Neb.
Coincidence? Five-ring pundits like our gold-medal chances in the 100-meter dog paddle.
