Help for those who take care of loved ones with dementia

“Conversations About Dementia”

7-8:30 p.m. June 9. Alzheimer's Association, 41 Perimeter Center E., Suite 550, Atlanta. The class is for caregivers to family members who have dementia. Free. Register at 1-800-272-3900 or email Holly at hgoodnow@alz.org.

“Powerful Tools for Caregivers”

5:30-7 p.m. Mondays, July 6-Aug. 10. East Cobb Senior Center, 3332 Sandy Plains Road, Marietta. Organized by the Atlanta Regional Commission, these six sessions are for family caregivers of seniors and cover stress reduction, self-confidence, communication, lifestyle balance, making tough decisions and locating resources. The lessons are interactive with discussions and brainstorming to help caregivers put these “tools” into action. A $30 fee covers all six sessions and includes “The Caregiver Handbook.” Register at 770-509-4900.

When her mother was diagnosed with dementia in 2006, Carol Howell, of Rock Hill, S.C., figured she could cry and despair, and maybe she did for a time. Or she could get the training needed to deal with a new normal.

The diagnosis set her on a journey to learn everything she could about brain function so she could give her mom the care she deserved.

Along the way, Howell developed caregiving techniques that work well with her mother, Vera Holder, who is now in midstage Alzheimer’s and lives in an assisted living residence. She also became certified as a Dementia Care Specialist and Life Coach so she could help other family caregivers.

Howell will give a free talk on caregiving for loved ones with dementia at 6:30 p.m. June 9 at the Cobb County Wellness Center, 1150 Powder Springs St., Marietta.

She learned, for example, that there are good reasons some people with dementia don’t like to bathe or take showers. In short, showers are scary and the water hurts when it hits fragile skin.

And she learned to expect the unexpected. Alzheimer’s, the most common form of dementia, is more than memory loss; it is a fatal disease where brain cells are dying.

“I see people yelling at momma because she can’t do something this week that she could do last week. They don’t understand it’s not just that momma can’t remember at the moment. It’s that those processes are no longer in her brain. All that information is gone. It can’t be retrieved,” Howell said.

Understanding how dementia affects activities of daily living is key to caring for someone who has been diagnosed, Howell said.

Many family caregivers are thrown into the situation, they don’t know what to do, and they approach it in ways that make things worse, she said. Others are in total denial over what they’re dealing with, so they don’t seek help.

Reaching out to family caregivers is a priority for the Alzheimer's Association, Georgia Chapter. The nonprofit group hosts free caregiving seminars statewide throughout the year, and has one scheduled from 7-8:30 p.m. June 9 at its state office, 41 Perimeter Center E., Suite 550, Atlanta. "Conversations About Dementia" is for those who are caring for family members with dementia. Register at 1-800-272-3900 or email hgoodnow@alz.org.

Howell wrote down her story and caregiving techniques in a book, "Let's Talk Dementia: A Caregiver's Guide." It will be rereleased for a second printing this summer and available for purchase on Amazon.com, she said. More information about the book is available on Howell's website, seniorlifejourneys.com.

Here are her top caregiving tips:

“When you argue with someone with dementia, it never, ever comes out well,” Howell said.

They will not change because of your arguments, and the situation may blow up and become combative. Instead, agree with whatever they say, then try to gently move the conversation toward something that is more present and realistic.

“Throwing your hands up in the air and saying, stop, stop, stop is not going to help,” Howell said.

She said this is a common reaction when someone with dementia is doing something dangerous, or becomes combative or physically violent. Caregivers need to remain calm. Go outside, scream and cry if necessary, then come back in and handle the situation in a relaxed manner.

Howell said once you get those two down, everything else falls into place.

Here are two more to help the caregiver:

Set aside time where you will not be available. Arrange for other care and let everyone know that your phone is turned off. Get away for a vacation if possible.

Telling funny stories and singing help break the tension and anxiety, Howell said, and singing is something those with dementia can usually still do.