Going home for holidays? How to check on elderly parents
WHAT YOU CAN DO
AARP's "Prepare to Care: A Resource Guide for Families" provides a multistep plan and a checklist of what to do. It can be downloaded from aarp.org.
The steps include:
- Start the conversation: Don't wait until there's a crisis before talking about preferences regarding care. Know in advance what to do if the situation arises.
- Form your team: Don't approach caregiving alone. Even if there are no other family members, bring in other sources of support such as friends, colleagues, churches and senior organizations.
- Make a plan: Put together a caregiving plan long before you need it. This will let everyone get on the same page and keep the focus on what's best for the ones needing the care.
- Find support: Reach out to organizations and professionals who specialize in caring for seniors. This will give you additional resources and information as issues arise.
- Care for yourself: Don't forget about your own needs. Make a plan to care for yourself, too. Maintaining your health and energy is critical when giving care to others.
Source: AARP
If you’re planning on going home for the holidays to visit aging parents, it might be a good time to assess the well-being of mom and dad or start a conversation about future care plans.
Even if the folks are OK for now, it’s better to develop a plan of care before a crisis demands one, geriatric experts say.
“It is vital to plan ahead as opposed to waiting for an emergency when approaching this subject with a loved one,” said Kerri Groen, director of community partners with Assisted Choice, a senior services placement provider.
But it can be a tough conversation, and one that a lot of people tend to put off, said Lisa Meeks, a geriatric care manager and owner of SeniorCare Options. Because families are together during the holidays, it is an excellent time to at least start talking about it and set a date to meet and work out the details, she said.
Family dynamics might require bringing in a third party mediator, such as an attorney or geriatric care expert. This lets the family off the hook for making some tough decisions.
“You want to put a positive spin on it,” Meeks said. “You never want the one needing care to feel belittled or bad.”
Even in the best of families, certain care situations can be highly sensitive and produce resistance, denial and anger, Groen said.
There are free resources to help. AARP published "Prepare to Care: A Resource Guide for Families," which can be downloaded from aarp.org. It provides family caregivers with information, resources and checklists of what to do.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Administration on Aging put together a brochure, "Let's Talk. Starting the Conversation about Health, Legal, Financial and End-of-Life Issues." It can be found at eldercare.gov/eldercare.NET under resources.
In the meantime, here are some telltale signs to look for that Groen says could indicate your loved ones need additional care.
- Physical signs: Malnourishment, recent or unexplained weight loss, poor hygiene and poor grooming, especially if they've always been known to be well-groomed. Also, changes in mobility.
- Psychological: Withdrawn, confused, depressed, sudden outbursts of anger, forgetting to pay bills, forgetting appointments.
- Recent traumatic events: Death of a loved one, recent change in health status or newly diagnosed medical condition, a recent fall.
- Current living situation: Unattended standard house maintenance, such as lawn overgrown or house unusually messy, safety concerns and minimal amount of food in the kitchen.
- Medical: Escalating health issues, forgetting or mishandling medications, significant changes in sleep patterns.
Usually, if one of these has become an issue, there are other underlying problems as well, Meeks said.
If assistance is needed in cleaning, cooking or home maintenance, these services can be given as holiday gifts. Even having a long-range care plan can be viewed as a gift.
“I tell people to say, ‘All I want for Christmas is to know that you’re going to be all right and to know what kind of care you want long term,’ ” Meeks said.
