We know the struggle. Every year, when the Oscars get close, it goes something like this:
You: This year, I'm going to see every nominee for Best Picture.
Inner You: TBH, I'm really just in to see best dressed and who gives the most shocking speech.
Well you don't have to worry this year because we've got you covered. Without further ado, here's the lowdown on every single Oscar-nominated film for Best Picture -- in easily digestible two-sentence summaries:
"Manchester By the Sea"
This is a film where the least devastating plot line is that a miserable handyman, Lee, has to go home to plan his brother's funeral and take care of his equally miserable teenage nephew. We won't spoil the rest, but we are not sure we will ever recover from the ridiculously depressing reveal of Lee's past (and yet, the whole thing is kind of beautiful).
"Arrival"
Apparently, aliens are actually interested in saving humankind -- if we learn to talk to them. A linguistics professor (Amy Adams) is called in to attempt to communicate with shadowy, ink-dispensing giant squid monsters after they land their spacecrafts on Earth -- and all it really takes is a teeny, human-sized whiteboard.
"Hidden Figures"
A group of lady geniuses are really the human computers quietly running NASA behind the scenes and simultaneously nailing 60s fashion -- all while putting up with rampant sexism and racism with utter class. In other words, two hours and seven minutes of gloriously nerdy girl power wrapped in a powerful story about the quiet civil-rights heroines who, thankfully, are hidden no more.
"La La Land"
This is a musical -- where, natch, characters do very old-school, romantic musically things like traipsing around L.A. and breaking into random song and dance like no one is watching. But really, the true love story here is that Hollywood is deeply, unabashedly in love with itself.
"Fences"
Denzel Washington is just super, super mean to his son and goddess of a wife Viola Davis for the entire (2+ hour) movie because he's still mad at the world about the end of his baseball career. His son isn't having it, but alas, Davis' character loves him anyway and puts up with all of his nonsense, and we're cool with that, because TBH, the world just needs every second of Davis/Washington screentime it can get.
"Hacksaw Ridge"
This is the incredible true story of a soldier-turned-conscientious objector who managed to save 75 men during WWII without ever firing a single shot. Or -- that movie where Mel Gibson finally managed to get back into Hollywood's good graces after years of exile.
"Lion"
This true story is proof that Google Maps is literally everywhere and can find anyone and anything. A lost child in India who got adopted as a child by an Australian couple grows up to be the seriously good-looking Dev Patel and uses “the Google” to try to find his birth parents, thanks Google, did we mention Google? Google.
"Moonlight"
If this heart-wrenching coming-of-age film doesn't make you cry (like, a lot) then you are not a real human person. A gay man struggles through 3 different phases in his life while dealing with drugs, his sexuality and his emotionally abusive, drug-addicted mother.
"Hell or High Water"
A modern-day western Robin Hood with some pretty epic 'stashes and Jeff Bridges playing the grizzled Texas Ranger he was always meant to be. Two brothers who are about to get their home foreclosed on ingeniously rob the same banks they owe and use the spoils to pay them back.
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